God created her, I carried her, now she is my happiness and my laughter.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

2 days!

Today, it dawned on me that Jason was deploying in TWO days! How could I have lost track of time? How could I have put off all those things I wanted to do with him before he left? I never have any energy. I never feel like doing anything but laying around. Absolute worst time to feel lifeless. I'm not ready for this deployment. It's going to be really hard on me, emotionally; and I'm not going to be handling my loneliness very well.
There's so much to do! We just have not had any time before he leaves! I don't feel like we have made that special "I'm leaving soon" bond that we usually make. Must be because of how busy we've been and we haven't been on a date at all that didn't involve Emma.
Friday morning Jason is going to go to work and not come home and I'm not going to be ready for that.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Born Sinners

How do you know when your child has reached the age of accountability? It's so sad watching my 3 year old plot and execute a deceitful plan. And I would have been non the wiser except the outcome of her plan lacked in perceived obedience.
More than anything I want to teach my daughter about The Christ and I want her to know her Bible. I want her to understand her Bible. I want her to know, at a young age, about God, His Son, and what He did for us. But, there's that part of me (the evil part, I'm sure) that thinks, "What if I don't tell her? Can I hold off on her being accountable?"
When I have to give Emma a punishment for being bad I try to have her fully understand what she's being punished for. I have her say Ephesians 6:1 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right." And if I know other verses off the top of my head then I have her say those too. Is it horrible to admit that I almost wish I wasn't teaching her those verses because I know that means she's becoming accountable?
What keeps me going in my goal to teach her about the Bible and God is the fact that I know I am displeasing God by not telling her. But, how fervently I pray that Emma will find God on her own sooner rather than later.
I found God when I was 8, but my entire Christian life was lived with doubt of my salvation and never really living a proper Christian life. I knew everything there was to live a Christian life because I grew up in a great church that taught all the truths of the Bible. But, although I asked The Christ into my heart at a young age, I honestly don't think I fully understood what that even meant.
I fervently pray for Emma that she will not only KNOW about Jesus, but that she UNDERSTANDS Him too.