Day 1

I dropped Jason off at his ship this morning. The weird part is, he doesn't actually leave the pier until tomorrow, but he's on duty so I won't see him anyway. We had a very nice date night last night which brought us home later than planned and he still had packing to do. I had a pit in my stomach and the feeling like I was losing my best friend all morning and even now.
Jason and I pulled the mattress from our bed out into the living room the last couple days so we could relax and watch movies and we didn't feel like putting it back last night so now for another month or so I'll be sleeping in the living room. I can't move the mattress myself and I could ask the neighbor to come do it, but I'm actually going to give it a try sleeping in the living room. I don't really like going off in the dark to sleep by myself when Jason's gone and sleeping in the living room with the noise from the chinchilla and the cats will probably help me feel less alone anyway. I'll have my sister, Elizabeth, help me move it when she comes in August if not before then.
Now that Jason is gone, I have to do all those things that I usually just call his name for. For example, as soon as I came home, I started fiddling with the blankets in the living room and out runs a spider. It was small, but really ugly and had this weird hunch back thing going on. I vacuumed him up with my hand held vacuum and then dumped him in trash and then stomped on the trash to make sure he didn't crawl out. When it was all said and done I realized I was shaking like a leaf. Silly, I know. But I really hate spiders.
Every bone, muscle, and emotion in my body wants to just cuddle up in bed, eat chocolate, and sleep. But, Emma presses me onward. And the more onward I go the more I find clutter and dirt around the house that needs picked up. I relish in the time she is napping. I've never known such an energetic child. She hasn't realized that Jason is gone for a long time yet, obviously, but it won't be long before she starts asking me about him. I plan to show her lots of pictures and the only home video I could get out of my broken video camera. I really don't want him to be a stranger to her when he gets back.
I'm not overly sad or depressed. I'm enjoying spending some time with Emma, NOT having to pick up the house by the end of every day, spending less money, and getting back on the diet. But, the moments go by slowly and there isn't a one of them that goes by that I don't remember how much I miss him already. He's only been gone a few hours, but it's the very thought of not seeing him again for a while that dampens my spirits.
Anyway, today and tomorrow I still have off of work so I plan to just really relax, do the budget, get the groceries, and catch up on some tv shows with Christin.