Desert Christmas

Emma and I arrived at my parent's house in Vail, Arizona the beginning of December. People, I can not fully express how overjoyed I felt as I immediately started in helping my mom with her busy schedule and going outside with out jackets. I knew I despised Washington, or to be more specific, Oak Harbor; but what I realized was that my love for Arizona is as strong or stronger than my hatred for Washington. All I can say is Emma and I are both extremely happy to be here. And, yes, I know Emma is happy too. I can not express enough how amazed I am at the difference in her nature since we have been here. In the camper, there was always a lot of whining and clinging and complaining and disobedience (from me too, I might add); but here Emma has been an angel. I had no idea she even had it in her. She has been going to bed, including naps, with out a fuss. She has been happy and playful with all members of the family. She has been polite and complimented by others about her politeness at church. She really is a whole new side to my daughter that I did not know she had. I can guarantee you this behavior has come out of her because she now has room to run and play. She's not cooped up for months on end due to rainy days, playing in 37 feet of space. She has friends here at church and school (I put her in a child development center at church two days a week) that she is really enjoying and learning with. I couldn't get her to be interested in her ABC's to save my life, but now that all her friends are doing it....well, she didn't want to be left out. (Should I be concerned?) I'm certainly not concerned that she is doing so well learning. Her teachers at the CDC have been great. A day has yet to go by where I'm not shocked at the way Emma and I are feeling here. I've felt an actual Joy in my heart since I've arrived. My Sunday school teacher has been going over the fruits of the spirit. He talked about joy last week and how joy was happiness outside of circumstances. When he explained it like that I realized I haven't experienced true joy in months, maybe even years. To feel my heart so uplifted in joy as I started getting back into church, Bible, prayer, activities, warm weather....it's just more than I can be thankful for in one day.

I've also enjoyed watching Emma prepare for Christmas. Her school class hosted a Christmas party for the parents last Friday. I have to admit it was kind of fun getting all the little gifts Emma had made for me at school. The CDC has been so great for Emma. I don't feel guilty not being the teacher when she's there. I feel like she's learning such great things and because it's at the church she is also getting in lessons about God. It's exactly the kind of school I would have hoped for Emma if she were ever not to be home schooled. She also did such a great job decorating the tree, wrapping gifts, and helping with the baking. I love this age where they actually want to help out and really enjoy it. She's so excited for Christmas. Jampa had a birthday with gifts, Liz had a birthday with gifts and Emma can barely stand it. She so badly wanted it to be her birthday yesterday when we celebrated Liz's birth. She went to our Christmas countdown and put the count on the 25th and then ran into the living room saying, "It's Christmas!"

Perhaps due to pregnancy emotions or just for once not feeling so selfish and depressed, I've started thinking a lot about if I didn't have Emma in my life. The slightest things put me in a scare and I worry that I won't see her again. It also could be partly sending her off to school for the first time. Even Jason felt it out at sea. Our little girl growing up. It brings tears to my eyes even now as I think about the innocence that will soon be ruined by this wicked world, the dealings with bullies and insecurities she's likely to face and the teen years which I can only assume will be awful as punishment to me for my own teen years. But God is so, so good and gracious and I know he'll watch over my newly acquired little angel :) I'm not really the type to worry, but I can't help but want to be so cautious with my special Tiny Tyke, especially after the recent school shootings, ect.

The last couple days have been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I don't hear from Jason often and while I do ok with that for the most part, I think deep down it affects me. It would be nice to hear from him out side of "work talk" and to know he's thinking of us. The ships usually try to pull in for Christmas and so far we have not been able to webcam, but hopefully he'll have better service if they do pull in. Today I read in a devotional about how your focus leads your thoughts and essentially your actions. I find that to be true with how I think about Jason. If I focus on the negative things in our current situation or relationship, I will start thinking poorly of him, us and our circumstances. But, if I can remain focused on the good things in all of that then I can have pleasant thoughts and in turn not be grumpy.

I can't believe that it's the 23rd already. I'm so excited to put Emma's stocking out tomorrow night. I wonder if Emma will be old enough this year to comprehend getting up and opening her stocking in the wee hours. I want to watch her open her stocking, but I'm going to tell her she can go open it when she wakes up and hopefully I'll hear her get up. Of course, tonight is our traditional Scrooge tape night with all the traditional Christmas snacks. Mom might finally let me eat the sugar cookies. Apparently, I was banned from eating them until tonight. The tree is full of presents. A good majority of them are for Emma and I can't wait to watch her open them. I feel awful that Jason has to miss out. This is such a fun age for Emma and she is so cute as she does things consciously for the first time. I will send him videos and pictures, though. This morning I was able to send him a picture of the baby kicking. It was just one kick and hopefully he'll be able to see it. I think he'll enjoy that. I am 22 weeks along right now and starting to feel a LOT of movement. This one is a kicker.

Every day I have to remember to just enjoy each day as they come. These days will not last and, though I have two more months here, I feel like it's not enough. Time is flying so quickly already. I hate that Jason coming home means so many "negative" things for us; but I am just going to enjoy every moment we have here. I know if I pray about it, God will help strengthen me and give me more love for my husband than hatred for Washington. The good news is, Jason got approved to transfer, so we only HAVE to spend one more year there. Many future events could change just how long we have to stay there, but we are hopeful for a speedy departure.

Until then, I pray God will continue to work in my life, making me the wife and mother I need to be for my family. And I'm going to take these Arizona blessings as they come my way!