God created her, I carried her, now she is my happiness and my laughter.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Having brought in the New Year

It's never to early or too late to make changes. Last year at this time we had brought in the new year at Liz and Josh's house with board games, pigs in a blanket and an unexpected fireworks display from the porch. I was pregnant for Jacey and had no idea my marriage would soon fail.

In February Jason asked for a divorce and though it was a very trying time, it was my big opportunity to get back on track in my relationship with Jesus, start being faithful to a church, taking my family to church and having the opportunity to stay in a place I absolutely love, being near family. I stayed several months in prayer and Bible reading but as I had always feared, my devotional times became less and less the more comfortable I became in my situation.

By May I was hardly reading my Bible and never praying more than just a quick whisper through out the day. I was still enjoying church, though; and especially Sunday school.

I tried to get a summer job but over all God was taking care of all my needs. I had transportation, a place to live by July with David, people were volunteering to watch Jacey and Mom and Karen were pitching in to put Emma in school. God had supplied all my needs and wanted to leave me needing Him so I still didn't have a job by the time school started. Turned out to be a blessing as I was very busy. Juggling school and the kids was stressful. I constantly felt like I wasn't giving enough at school or at home. But, in my business and having absolutely no energy by the end of the day I found my devotions went even further to the way side.

By Thanksgiving and the coming winter break, I was faltering quite a bit. I knew reading my Bible would be helpful but when I opened it up, I felt like I could never find a good place to start reading. I began to fall back into the false sense of feeling that I couldn't come before the Throne of Grace because I wasn't being faithful in other things. Going to church was not yet a "chore" but I was definitely going to bed Saturday nights wishing I could just spend the next day at home relaxing and getting ready for the next week.

Finally, Christmas came and went and I was starting to get in that mood of change. The new year was approaching. God was really speaking to me through more financial trials. On new year's eve I finally said enough was enough. I had recently been looking over my sister's blog, http://domesticarmour.blogspot.com She had a series on prayer posted that was a 4 week long study. It dawned on me, I had a great devotional right at my finger tips and I decided not to  put off getting back on track any longer. I read the first two parts of the series. It was so fun, I didn't want to stop reading.  I opened my Bible to read the verses she posted. I took notes. I put reminder notes on my white board and spent several minutes in prayer that morning. I took Emma on my lap and told her what I had gotten out of my devotions. She decided she also wanted to spend some time in prayer and ran to her room to pray for her dad. It was so precious and I was feeling so encouraged.

My day yesterday went so well. I had much patience for the kids. We ran errands, were in good moods, had money to spend on things we needed, used some Christmas gift cards and then ate dinner at Arbys.

You know those good days with the Lord where you are just so happy to be alive, so happy to be a Christian that you'll randomly talk to strangers, make jokes with cashiers, say hello to passer-byers? Well, completely out of character for me I turned and asked a lady how old her baby was. I don't know why I did it. It must have been the Lord working through me. Because I know in my flesh, I do not like other people's kids and I certainly don't want to start a conversation with someone. She turned out to be quite the talker. Her husband was with her but even still she proceeded to tell me how she and her husband were on the verge of divorce since the baby had been born. She spoke of it heartily, would turn to her husband and laugh nervously. He refused to look me in the eye as I'm sure he was embarrassed. (Poor guys) Even more so out of character for me, I ended up giving the lady (Dawn was her name and her baby was Lily) my number and told her to contact me before the 15th when school started so we could get together. They are a military family, here in Tucson with no family or friends. My heart went out to her and for her situation. I felt like there was little advice I could give since I was standing there as a recent divorcee; but I prayed the Lord would guide my words and conversation to be encouraging. I told her that I could introduce her to some other ladies from my church. Secretly my hope was that someone who wasn't divorced could maybe get to know her and be a help to her. I know this meeting was of God. I was so happy to have been used by Him and I knew this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't have been in my devotions that morning.

I called my sister on the way home and asked her to pray for Dawn and we talked about how her blog had been such a blessing to me. It was a great conversation. I came home to David, ready and happy to go to church with me that night. We brought in the new year playing church volleyball, eating popcorn and talking about dreams, regrets, blessings and future. It was such a good day.

This new years day the devil thought he would try to mess things up by having the kids get up early and getting me distracted wanting to get my projects started. I ended up calling mom to create a P.O.D. (plan of the day). As she told me about her devotions that morning I remembered what a blessing I had yesterday and decided it really was important to start the day right. So, I have just finished doing another part in the prayer series and it has been another great start to my day.

Here's to trying harder this year to do what's right every day. I always love how Pastor puts it, "Make Jesus look good, today."