What happens at the Babysitters, stays at the Babysitters

Much to my surprise, I was greeted at Christin's door by my pantless, diaper wearing toddler. Upon asking Christin why my daughter was half nude she proceeded to inform me that Emma doesn't seem to want to wear pants. Apparently once a new clean diaper was on, Emma grabbed her pants and took off running! Christin, being a mom herself, figured if the girl doesn't want to wear pants and is willing to confiscate them in a "grab-n-run" than she might as well let her. I guess Grandpa Anderson's shirt that he sent for Emma: "I'd rather be naked" is rightfully true.

15May10 1926

Let's take yogurt for example. In my refrigerator, I try to be organized and with something like yogurt, I line it up one after the other in a row (or column if you will). But, I always take from the back of the column because if I were to take from the front first it would irritate me later on to have to reach for a yogurt in the way back of the fridge. Well, yesterday, it hit me that I'm still reaching way in the back for yogurt. lol. I don't know why I thought I was making it easier. I guess each day gets easier verses harder if I start from the back....and now Emma has found, dumped out, and eating the marshmellows so I better get to it.

14May10 2228

I tried to be so organized before I left with Mom for our trip to Idaho. I wanted to come home to a clean house. But, we left in such a hurry Saturday morning that I didn't even realize the disorganization that awaited me when I got home. (Of course, my hopes of my bedroom cleaning itself while I was gone were crashed). But worse than a dirty kitchen, I realized I only had one diaper left for Emma which she quickly became in need of. So, on the way to Seattle to drop mom off at the airport and then all the way back home; Emma had plenty of time to completely over fill her diaper and pants. With no diapers to even change her into on the drive back, I feel it's needless to say Emma was a little fussy the last hour of the trip. Luckily back at home, I did have some pull-ups from when I had been working on potty training. They actually ended up working out quite nicely. Emma was able to wear one until I could get to walmart.

We had a great time in Idaho. I had been 6 years over due for a visit. But, even with the set backs at home, I have really been enjoying my time back with Emma. She can be a pill but she is over all pleasant to be around. She didn't seem tired tonight so I let her stay up until almost 10. She's so goofy and happy all the time. I could laugh and play with her all day. I am sad to see my daily work schedule around the corner.

10 May 10 0928

Today I woke up and opened my new box of Raisin Bran Cereal. Normally this is not a difficult task anyway, but this morning it was especially easy as it had recently been sat on. It seems like Emma will go to great extremes to get to food. Yesterday when mom and I were grocery shopping she sat in the back of the cart with some yogurt and next thing we knew she had toothed it open, was trying to get to it, couldn't get to it, and in her frustration threw it out of the cart where it splashed all over the floor.
It's not seldom I feel like Emma only wants to sit on my lap when I have food. She is very familiar with boxes such as Woppers, Junior Mints, popcorn and her absolute favorite, string cheese. She would go to great lengths to retrieve the contents from the inside. The cutest thing ever is when she sees you are getting her some food. She just happily stomps her feet, makes these quick laughs, and baby talks as she's so excited to receive the food about to come.

Mom and I are in Idaho visiting Kim and family. Emma is enjoying playing with her cousins. It hits me hard because I see how much Emma would enjoy siblings. It makes me wish I was still pregnant and/or could get pregnant again soon. But God has his reasons and I don't see myself being able to try again until after Jason get back from deployment in March of 2011. So poor Emma will just have to keep waiting and we'll have to take several trips to see the cousins.

07 May 10 0924

On Wednesday, 28 April, I learned some very disturbing news that the baby I had carried for 12 weeks died at 8 weeks . I was alone as Jason was underway with his ship. The news hit me hard. I had only recently spoke of feeling great and I had no concerns for my pregnancy what so ever. Everything ran through my head all at once, "Was it those suit cases I lifted in San Diego, did Mowgli (one of my cats) jump on my stomach one too many times? Maybe the baby isn't really dead. I wish Jason was here! How will I get a hold of him? Who will comfort me? How can I go back to my command in this condition?" As I was thinking all of this, a few tears fell and my doctor re-assured me that it was nothing Jason, Emma, the cats, or I did to cause the baby to die. But non-the-less, as a believer in "everything happens for a reason" I couldn't help but question God, though still faithful to his promises.
Back home, picking up my daughter from the neighbors, I had this wave of appreciation for my daughter, Emma. She ran to me as she always does (regardless of whether I'm gone for 10 min or 8 hours) happy to see me not knowing that I was or why I was sad. I said to her, "At least I still have you." And in that moment I cried like a baby, having only my innocent 1 year old daughter to physically comfort me in my time of great need. And somehow, to my surprise, my squiggly, wiggly worm transformed into a calm, innocence of understanding, angel of comfort. She laid her head on my shoulder and I hugged her and cuddled her. She some how new that I needed her.
In the days to follow, even after Jason was finally able to come home, Emma continued to realize my emotional pain. She seemed to recognize every time I was crying and came to me babbling her baby talk and looking at Daddy trying to figure out why I was laying on the floor crying.
I guess babies just know sometimes. Emma is so smart and doesn't miss a thing. But, her innocent comfort was worth a million comforting words from someone who knew it all.

For M.C. (Mystery Child)
You were my heart beat, you were my every breath.
You were my every feeling, you were my thoughts revealing.
I barely even new you, but I already started to love you.
My heart is broken, because you're gone.

You were my fears, my random laughs, and all my many tears.
You were a new adventure, a very short lived past, and you were my future.
I was ready to see you, I was ready to hold and know you.
My heart is broken because you're gone.

I don't know why you were not strong.
I felt so helpless like I did you wrong.
I tried to care for you, though you were not ready.
My heart is broken because you're gone

I know you're up in Heaven and I know it is your haven.
God must have wanted you early, I know he loves you dearly.
So in Him I trust and I know I can adjust.
It's just my heart is broken because you're gone.

25 APR 2010 0735

Number One rule for any baking or cooking - "You must start with a clean kitchen." This being said I can finally start making my frosting an hour after I started cleaning up. No, the kitchen wasn't that dirty but I started this project before Hubby and Daughter were awake so I had the quiet to think about things. All that thinking made me think I could take a break and post some facebook comments. Getting back to work I see in the dishwasher that my bathroom toothbrush holder is clean but on my way through the living room to put that away I pick up clutter and feed the cats. Isn't that always how it is? So, while the rule simply states "a clean kitchen" I can happily say I'm starting with a clean house and updated facebook.

My Daughter Emma

Emma Eliza Lee, my daughter, was born March 5th 2009. She is my first baby and I love her so much. I have really enjoyed watching her grow. She is now a year old and the stories I could tell.... I love being her mother and I'm learning so much! She's a handful, but I wouldn't trade a single moment I have with her.

I recently had an urge to keep track of my thoughts as I go. I have so many aimless thoughts, random babblings, and questions as I go through out my day with my daughter. She really is so smart and amazes me hourly. I hope you can enjoy my journey of motherhood not just in general, but motherhood with this amazing little girl!