Christmas Eve

How does that poem go? Something about stockings hung and chestnuts? In my household it would go something like this:

Jason is de-cluttering the house and fixing loose ends.

Emma watches the Land Before Time with stuffed animal friends.

While Mommy lingers behind to write,

Not forgetting the house needs to be clean and bright.

For visiters of the Grandmother type

Join us for Christmas tomorrow night.

I'm a lot more excited this Christmas than I have been other Christmases since I've been married. Jason was deployed last Christmas so I was out of sorts. I think being in the new camper where we're all feeling the "camper love" and celebrating our first Christmas alone as a family is really helping this year feel merry and bright. I'm very excited this year because Emma is old enough to have some awareness of what is going on. We've been keeping up with our 25 days til Christmas count down tree that tells the story of the real meaning of Christmas. Emma keeps asking me "Do you remember Jesus?" We often talk about God and where he lives and how he watches over us. Sometimes she even sings Jesus' name. I'm sure that puts a smile on God's face as I know it does on her parents. We'll be bringing in her big present this evening which is so big it's in storage right now. Hopefully we have enough wrapping paper to wrap it all. And we'll be stuffing the stockings. I'm going to put her stocking on the top stair to her loft so hopefully when she gets up she'll know she can open it. I'm still deciding if I'm going to wrap them since I'm not sure that she'll know she can open them. She already found one of her stocking gifts by accident and we told her she couldn't play with it so I hope that doesn't deter her from getting into them tomorrow. Jason and I have already said we're getting up early for our Christmas gifts too. I think he's as excited as I am this year. Although, he cheated and got me more gifts than he was allowed to this year, using up all the extra spending money so I couldn't even go out and match him. He already got other gifts early this year too so I hope he enjoys the smaller amount that he's getting on Christmas day. I'm learning that there were a few toys he missed out on having as a kid and I can pretty much get those for him now as a win win for Emma and I. He wants to play with them with Emma and I get to see the two of them bonding. Jason's trying to talk me into letting him get a PS3 so he can "bond" with Emma with some fun, kids educational games (which was my stipulation - they had to be educational.) I actually don't think it's a horrible idea as Emma does seem to favor me over Dad and I want her to be a daddy's girl. Jason has a hard time playing with Barbies and stuffed animals, though and giving them a gift they can both enjoy together would be great for the whole family. Plus, I wouldn't feel guilty about going off and writing if they were playing games. (Educational games) I'm sure a PS3 is in our near future as Jason's side of the family is generous with monotary gifts. (My computer is not showing me how to spell that word, sorry.)

I already spent some of my Christmas money from Pappy Maloney on a carpet cleaner which Jason took over as his own project for today. So, that is fine with me. I will concentrate on cleaning up the rest of the house. Jason is missing his mommy, glad that she's coming into town, and excited to have the camper sparkling for her arrival. I'm just glad I'm feeling much better (I had the flu) so that I can help him get things around with out feeling awful!

Our Christmas goodies and listening to the scrooge tape around the Christmas tree went over well. I'm so thankful for Cheryl Kayser who opened up her kitchen for us to do our cookie baking and decorating. She also introduced me to biscotti which was actually rather tasty. It was great having someone to bake with who was also alone for the holidays and needed to get in the Christmas spirit herself. She is a great friend! We have really appreciated getting to know her, Stan and the dogs. I made the Thanksgiving drink since we had Thanksgiving at a restaurant this year. I'm enjoying more of that now along with no-bake cookies, sugar cookies, fudge enough to come out my ears, my obligatory cheese ball, and Jason's Hickory Farm traditional meat and cheeses.

Emma was funny this morning. We had the goodies still out from last night. She came into the kitchen before we did as usual. She said, "oo, cookies." And then there was silence for a while. Jason wanted to tease her so he said, "Hey, you better not be eating those cookies." More silence. And then, "I don't want a time out." ha ha I wonder what her face was like. So we got up and ate cookies with her. It was a breakfast of champions and she was thankful we weren't really mad.

The thing that annoys me

A doctor told me I was chronically depressed. At first, I thought, "Well, that makes sense." Looking back over my life even since a senior in highschool I have had "symptoms" of being depressed. When I started taking medicine for my depression I noticed that I did, in fact, make me feel better. I was able to get out of bed in the morning, do my chores, and greet Jason with a smile which was not my norm for the last couple years. However, over time I can't help but think my "depression" was more of a situational anxiety of sorts. Jason comes home from work and often talks of just wanting to go to bed. He complains about not wanting to go to work the next day and while it seemed his attitude paralleled that of my depressed mood, he is not seen as depressed. I sometimes can't help but think I've been misdiagnosed because I've been going to the wrong physician. The Anderson's (as it were) don't believe in depression and this is why: We are Christians. We have the Lord on our side. Should He not always be able to intervene when we are feeling down? I certainly do not read my Bible or pray near as often as I should and I'm only recently getting back into church. Does the medicine still help? There are those who would say, yes. Without it, by the end of the day, I can be a real monster. But, isn't it normal to feel tired at the end of the day and isn't it my Christian duty to not be perceived as a monster when I am feeling grumpy?

Jason wants me to continue taking the medicine because he thinks it keeps me from being grumpy. And, hey, if I'm constantly "fake" happy while on the medicine I guess I might as well take it for my family's sake. But I certainly do not think I should lose sight of the fact that I need God in my life a LOT more often than I've been letting Him in. I'm quite certain if I can get back on track spiritually, I will no longer be depressed.

Therefore, as of Christmas Eve 2011 I think I'm going back to the Anderson way and no longer believing in Depression. Is it a worldly diagnosis that many non-Christians deal with on a daily basis? Yes. Is is something Christians deal with from time to time? Yes, I think so. King David and others in the Bible seems to feel down. But who did they turn to? God. And did it take them long to come through it? I don't really know. But I do know by the end of Psalms, there's only praising God to be heard. I also know King David didn't have depression medicine. He relied on God to get him through and that's what I need to do if I ever want to feel that blissful happiness that has been a long time gone from me.

Camper Livin'

New camper, new life, new love. It amazes me how poorly our family was doing at the old Sidney House. The very instant we moved into this camper everyone has been better off. I've been much happier and less depressed. Jason and I have a new kind of "camper love". I feel like we're finally getting that "first year" of marriage now in our 4th year. Even Emma can't stand the thought of going back. We went to the old house the other day to pack up the rest of our things and officially move out. Emma said she was glad we didn't live there anymore because now she didn't have to be scared. When we say we're going home, Emma says "Not home! We're going to the camper!" We do not miss the old house. We can't place what about it made it so dreadful, but whatever it was we are glad to be out of there. We are financially stable now which takes a lot of stress off of the family. We are cozy here in the camper. I don't feel overwhelmed with too much house work. Emma loves her loft and play room. We are all feeling very happy and blessed here. We are all looking forward to our first Christmas here. Our little tree is filled to the brim with presents, but of course we are not forgetting the real reason for the season. Emma has been so adorable lately talking about Jesus and having an honest interest in God.

We always said once we moved into the camper we would start looking in Anacortes for a new church. The very first church we tried is called Cornerstone Baptist Church. Pastor Parr is extremely knowledgable and wise. He knows so much about the Bible and has devoted his entire life to studying the word and preaching. It's his hobby as much as his job. We have not even looked into other churches. We knew from one Sunday there that it was the church for our family.

The first week we went to Corner stone I felt alive again for the first time in a while. When Sunday was over I found myself wishing the next Sunday would come quickly as I was getting very excited to be in church again. Though Jason and I certainly do not give God all we should on a daily basis, God is still choosing to bless us tremendously.

The church is small, but seems to be growing. It's quieter than I'm used to but I don't know that I'll ever be in as vocal of a church as TVBC was. Jason wants to become the Mr. Thomas of Corner stone Baptist Church. Sometimes he just feels like shouting and I tell him there's absolutely no reason why he shouldn't. It's great to feel so happy about God and being in his house that you just want to shout.

To be honest, I'm already feeling like when we move from here I will really miss the church and have even considered a thought I promised myself I would never entertain. I wondered if we should STAY in Washington so we could always go to this great church. It would take God's full leading to actually get me to stay here and we will have to leave in a couple years due to military anyway. But, I already feel like we are becoming a part of a great church family and I know I will miss it when we're gone. I hope I can find other churches through out our travels with equally wise Pastors.

Camper living has a few negatives, but certainly nothing for me to even get worked up over. Laundry is not easy to accomplish with having to go to the laundry mat. And it's definitely not easy always cleaning up dirty dishes since I can't put any food down the drain. But the positives always out way the negatives. I have no complaints. Jason and I could see ourselves living in this life style for quite a while. I feel cool learning about all the things I have to do in the camper like the septic. It's all actually very easy.

Here's to our newest adventure (raises a glass)