Christmas Eve

How does that poem go? Something about stockings hung and chestnuts? In my household it would go something like this:

Jason is de-cluttering the house and fixing loose ends.

Emma watches the Land Before Time with stuffed animal friends.

While Mommy lingers behind to write,

Not forgetting the house needs to be clean and bright.

For visiters of the Grandmother type

Join us for Christmas tomorrow night.

I'm a lot more excited this Christmas than I have been other Christmases since I've been married. Jason was deployed last Christmas so I was out of sorts. I think being in the new camper where we're all feeling the "camper love" and celebrating our first Christmas alone as a family is really helping this year feel merry and bright. I'm very excited this year because Emma is old enough to have some awareness of what is going on. We've been keeping up with our 25 days til Christmas count down tree that tells the story of the real meaning of Christmas. Emma keeps asking me "Do you remember Jesus?" We often talk about God and where he lives and how he watches over us. Sometimes she even sings Jesus' name. I'm sure that puts a smile on God's face as I know it does on her parents. We'll be bringing in her big present this evening which is so big it's in storage right now. Hopefully we have enough wrapping paper to wrap it all. And we'll be stuffing the stockings. I'm going to put her stocking on the top stair to her loft so hopefully when she gets up she'll know she can open it. I'm still deciding if I'm going to wrap them since I'm not sure that she'll know she can open them. She already found one of her stocking gifts by accident and we told her she couldn't play with it so I hope that doesn't deter her from getting into them tomorrow. Jason and I have already said we're getting up early for our Christmas gifts too. I think he's as excited as I am this year. Although, he cheated and got me more gifts than he was allowed to this year, using up all the extra spending money so I couldn't even go out and match him. He already got other gifts early this year too so I hope he enjoys the smaller amount that he's getting on Christmas day. I'm learning that there were a few toys he missed out on having as a kid and I can pretty much get those for him now as a win win for Emma and I. He wants to play with them with Emma and I get to see the two of them bonding. Jason's trying to talk me into letting him get a PS3 so he can "bond" with Emma with some fun, kids educational games (which was my stipulation - they had to be educational.) I actually don't think it's a horrible idea as Emma does seem to favor me over Dad and I want her to be a daddy's girl. Jason has a hard time playing with Barbies and stuffed animals, though and giving them a gift they can both enjoy together would be great for the whole family. Plus, I wouldn't feel guilty about going off and writing if they were playing games. (Educational games) I'm sure a PS3 is in our near future as Jason's side of the family is generous with monotary gifts. (My computer is not showing me how to spell that word, sorry.)

I already spent some of my Christmas money from Pappy Maloney on a carpet cleaner which Jason took over as his own project for today. So, that is fine with me. I will concentrate on cleaning up the rest of the house. Jason is missing his mommy, glad that she's coming into town, and excited to have the camper sparkling for her arrival. I'm just glad I'm feeling much better (I had the flu) so that I can help him get things around with out feeling awful!

Our Christmas goodies and listening to the scrooge tape around the Christmas tree went over well. I'm so thankful for Cheryl Kayser who opened up her kitchen for us to do our cookie baking and decorating. She also introduced me to biscotti which was actually rather tasty. It was great having someone to bake with who was also alone for the holidays and needed to get in the Christmas spirit herself. She is a great friend! We have really appreciated getting to know her, Stan and the dogs. I made the Thanksgiving drink since we had Thanksgiving at a restaurant this year. I'm enjoying more of that now along with no-bake cookies, sugar cookies, fudge enough to come out my ears, my obligatory cheese ball, and Jason's Hickory Farm traditional meat and cheeses.

Emma was funny this morning. We had the goodies still out from last night. She came into the kitchen before we did as usual. She said, "oo, cookies." And then there was silence for a while. Jason wanted to tease her so he said, "Hey, you better not be eating those cookies." More silence. And then, "I don't want a time out." ha ha I wonder what her face was like. So we got up and ate cookies with her. It was a breakfast of champions and she was thankful we weren't really mad.

The thing that annoys me

A doctor told me I was chronically depressed. At first, I thought, "Well, that makes sense." Looking back over my life even since a senior in highschool I have had "symptoms" of being depressed. When I started taking medicine for my depression I noticed that I did, in fact, make me feel better. I was able to get out of bed in the morning, do my chores, and greet Jason with a smile which was not my norm for the last couple years. However, over time I can't help but think my "depression" was more of a situational anxiety of sorts. Jason comes home from work and often talks of just wanting to go to bed. He complains about not wanting to go to work the next day and while it seemed his attitude paralleled that of my depressed mood, he is not seen as depressed. I sometimes can't help but think I've been misdiagnosed because I've been going to the wrong physician. The Anderson's (as it were) don't believe in depression and this is why: We are Christians. We have the Lord on our side. Should He not always be able to intervene when we are feeling down? I certainly do not read my Bible or pray near as often as I should and I'm only recently getting back into church. Does the medicine still help? There are those who would say, yes. Without it, by the end of the day, I can be a real monster. But, isn't it normal to feel tired at the end of the day and isn't it my Christian duty to not be perceived as a monster when I am feeling grumpy?

Jason wants me to continue taking the medicine because he thinks it keeps me from being grumpy. And, hey, if I'm constantly "fake" happy while on the medicine I guess I might as well take it for my family's sake. But I certainly do not think I should lose sight of the fact that I need God in my life a LOT more often than I've been letting Him in. I'm quite certain if I can get back on track spiritually, I will no longer be depressed.

Therefore, as of Christmas Eve 2011 I think I'm going back to the Anderson way and no longer believing in Depression. Is it a worldly diagnosis that many non-Christians deal with on a daily basis? Yes. Is is something Christians deal with from time to time? Yes, I think so. King David and others in the Bible seems to feel down. But who did they turn to? God. And did it take them long to come through it? I don't really know. But I do know by the end of Psalms, there's only praising God to be heard. I also know King David didn't have depression medicine. He relied on God to get him through and that's what I need to do if I ever want to feel that blissful happiness that has been a long time gone from me.

Camper Livin'

New camper, new life, new love. It amazes me how poorly our family was doing at the old Sidney House. The very instant we moved into this camper everyone has been better off. I've been much happier and less depressed. Jason and I have a new kind of "camper love". I feel like we're finally getting that "first year" of marriage now in our 4th year. Even Emma can't stand the thought of going back. We went to the old house the other day to pack up the rest of our things and officially move out. Emma said she was glad we didn't live there anymore because now she didn't have to be scared. When we say we're going home, Emma says "Not home! We're going to the camper!" We do not miss the old house. We can't place what about it made it so dreadful, but whatever it was we are glad to be out of there. We are financially stable now which takes a lot of stress off of the family. We are cozy here in the camper. I don't feel overwhelmed with too much house work. Emma loves her loft and play room. We are all feeling very happy and blessed here. We are all looking forward to our first Christmas here. Our little tree is filled to the brim with presents, but of course we are not forgetting the real reason for the season. Emma has been so adorable lately talking about Jesus and having an honest interest in God.

We always said once we moved into the camper we would start looking in Anacortes for a new church. The very first church we tried is called Cornerstone Baptist Church. Pastor Parr is extremely knowledgable and wise. He knows so much about the Bible and has devoted his entire life to studying the word and preaching. It's his hobby as much as his job. We have not even looked into other churches. We knew from one Sunday there that it was the church for our family.

The first week we went to Corner stone I felt alive again for the first time in a while. When Sunday was over I found myself wishing the next Sunday would come quickly as I was getting very excited to be in church again. Though Jason and I certainly do not give God all we should on a daily basis, God is still choosing to bless us tremendously.

The church is small, but seems to be growing. It's quieter than I'm used to but I don't know that I'll ever be in as vocal of a church as TVBC was. Jason wants to become the Mr. Thomas of Corner stone Baptist Church. Sometimes he just feels like shouting and I tell him there's absolutely no reason why he shouldn't. It's great to feel so happy about God and being in his house that you just want to shout.

To be honest, I'm already feeling like when we move from here I will really miss the church and have even considered a thought I promised myself I would never entertain. I wondered if we should STAY in Washington so we could always go to this great church. It would take God's full leading to actually get me to stay here and we will have to leave in a couple years due to military anyway. But, I already feel like we are becoming a part of a great church family and I know I will miss it when we're gone. I hope I can find other churches through out our travels with equally wise Pastors.

Camper living has a few negatives, but certainly nothing for me to even get worked up over. Laundry is not easy to accomplish with having to go to the laundry mat. And it's definitely not easy always cleaning up dirty dishes since I can't put any food down the drain. But the positives always out way the negatives. I have no complaints. Jason and I could see ourselves living in this life style for quite a while. I feel cool learning about all the things I have to do in the camper like the septic. It's all actually very easy.

Here's to our newest adventure (raises a glass)

One more day

Sometimes feeling the need to be overly organized is a lot to bare. Tomorrow our 5th wheel arrives at the campground. We had originally planned to move today, but in a way it's nice that it won't be til tomorrow because Jason will be able to get off of work easier tomorrow. Each new house, for me, will always need to be organized in a different way. I hope tomorrow Jason will allow me to take my time unpacking the boxes and making sure everything goes exactly where I want it to go. I don't want to just throw things anywhere. We have until December 15th to be completely moved out of this rental house so we have plenty of time to move in and stay organized. Jason has been good about letting me be in charge of all the packing. Although, I think he secretly was more than happy to surf the web while I packed even though he often asked if there was anything he could do to help. I didn't want things going into boxes that I didn't know about so I wanted to do all the packing myself. I'm thankful that God timed this move for us with the exact right timing that we needed. I had plenty of time to be very organized. When we were done packing there was little time between living out of boxes, having no furniture in the house, and finding out we had a renter. God has been very good to our unworthy family in this move. I feel very blessed that He has allowed us to get this camper and start a new. I am really hoping this new start is just what we need. I have big plans for my new camper living. Emma is starting back up in school, I'll be doing more writing, we'll be taking lots of walks and playing at the playground. It will be easier for me to get out of the "house" here as there are things to do out doors that are walking distance.

I just finished packing up some other odds and ends around the house. I can't believe the time has finally come where we are only keeping out last minute items. It still seems unreal to me. I'm the type of person who really doesn't show very much emotion until the exact moment that I need to. The RV gets here tomorrow afternoon so it probably won't hit me until then that we are actually doing this.

Thank you to our new friends (and one of my clients) Stan and Cheryl for lending us their trailer for hauling, for always being there to help out, and for joining us for our Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. I'm very thankful to be in the camper by Thanksgiving so I can still set up my tree at the usual, traditional time, day after Thanksgiving.

Prayers are always needed. Please and thank you.

I just wanted to give everyone a thank you for the prayers that I know are going up for us when ever you read my blog. I grow weary. My marriage is hanging by a prayer bound thread. We listened to a sermon online called "Dealing with the Hen" by Pastor Brent Armstrong from Tucson Baptist Temple (my parent's church). He said "Don't blame God for the evil in your life. You allow the evil in your life when you leave the protection of God's wing." (Not a direct quote)

This really touched my heart. Last night as Jason and I lay awake at 3 am talking about how we can be better as husband and wife, I realized I was not under the protective wing of Jesus Christ. It's really that simple. Let God protect you and you won't get hurt. I remember my mom telling me about a personal triumph one time. She said she suddenly sat back and realized that she was driving and she needed to just sit back and let God take the wheel. My mom has always been such a prayer warrior. She prays for the needs of her family and God always provides. I always know when she is praying for me. I often strive to be a prayer warrior like my mom. She has so much more faith than me. I simply can not wait, spiritually, to be back under the preaching of Pastor Armstrong when I move back there in March. God has not been leading us to any church here on the Island. I think it's because they just simply won't give us the leading that we need. We need hard core preaching of the true Word of God.

I went to a Bible study with a group of ladies who study out of the NIV. My faith in the King James Bible was further restored as we read a scripture that said something in the NIV along the lines of "God's love is everywhere." (I forget the exact passage) But, in my Bible, the true word of God, it read "God's MERCY is everywhere." God may love us. But it's by His MERCY that we are saved! God may love us enough to send his Son Jesus to die for us, but it is His MERCY that continues to forgive my many many short comings.

I learned a lot from that Bible study and very much enjoyed a gathering of Christian ladies. But after reading that passage against the other versions I knew God was telling me to stick to what I know is true. There is no reason why we can't listen to His TRUE Word online.

Family, friends, I urge you to continue praying for my family. We are making a change in our lives that is clearly led by the Lord. We are very excited about it. God is helping us sell our furniture quickly. We have high hopes to be out of this rental any day now. I feel God's leading all around our family. But, we are not yet under his protective wing and we need some more prayers to get us there.

I'm also thankful for my sister Kim who is keeping me on my toes by taking time out of her day to do a Bible study with me on how to be a better wife and Christian. It's nice to be accountable to her for my Bible reading and study. It's nice to talk with someone who has the same religious beliefs as I do and who will encourage me in the way I need to go.

I'm thankful for you other un-named family and friends who are thinking of us, praying for us and encouraging us to get back on track. You know who you are.

Praise God and shame on the devil!

Tribute to Mowgli

Bagheera was always more adventurous in the beginning.
But he had his moments as well.

From kitten to cat.



"Finally, some space to stretch out!"
Always on the alert
Everybody's body...even if it was grudgingly.
He loved Bagheera, though always.
And she always got lots of hugs she wasn't necessarily wanting.

We love you and miss you Mowgli cub!

Tough Month

The Lee family has seen happier days. It is definitely time to move out of this house and start over somewhere else. God's timing is impeccable. The month of October always seems like a trying month. I really hate halloween. Poor Emma was scared by a witch at the grocery store a couple days ago. I never thought about it until I was a mother, but honestly those scary costumes need to go away until trick or treat. If you MUST wear one at all. I'm brought back to wonderful childhood memories of previous October 31st. Mom picked out a new board game for the family which we played until it got dark. Then we roasted marshmellows and drank hot cider. I looked forward to that night as much as any other kid and my memories of it are probably a lot more exciting to re-live.

I have empty nest syndrome this month coupled with mourning for the loss of our little Mowg. Mowgli had a heart disease that we didn't know about until it was too late. We had to put him down last week. It was a very hard time for the whole family. This was the first pet that Jason really called his own that he had lost and it hit him pretty hard. I'm so thankful for my husband. Even though he was mourning as much as the rest of the family he pulled himself together, wiped his tears and took care of the rest of us. He made a lovely grave for Mowg. We buried Mowgli in a blanket so he seemed comfortable. Jason sent him off with his stuffed person doll that he used to sleep with, I threw in some string which was his favorite game, and Emma tossed in some plastic flowers. We topped the grave with rocks shaped like a heart and then put logs around the rocks in the same shape. I put another plastic flower in the center so people would recognize it as a grave and hopefully not disturb it. We felt bad that we had to bury him someplace that we would not be staying at.

Mowgli was a lot of things for us. When we were at the vet clinic I could tell the doctor was going to tell us it would be best if he was put down. I could tell she was trying to think of a nice way to put it. I started crying before she even said it. I tried to think of ways to keep him alive and not in pain, but there just wasn't a way. The vet gave us a moment a lone with Mowgli. We told Emma that he had to go bye-bye and that he wasn't going to go home with us. When the vet came back in, before she even said anything Emma hugged Mowgli tight and told the vet, "NO! Dont' take Mowg." It was very sad. Although, Emma did not fully understand what was going on, she saw her parents crying and telling her Mowgli was leaving and that she understood.

Jason had to pry me away from Mowg when it was time to go. It was a devastating feeling leaving him on the table. The only thing that really pulled me away with Jason was knowing that he was in pain and keeping him alive would only pain him more.

As the days passed, Jason and I realized how much Mowgli was a part of our lives and we didn't even know it. He was the ice breaker in an awkward silence. Jason and I used to ask each other, "Have you smelled your kitten today?" Part of Jason's heart was broken because he no longer had a kitten to smell. Mowgli was the blame for every excuse. When I wanted to do something that Jason didn't want to do I would say Mowgli wanted to do it. When we wanted to go out but didn't have a babysitter we would say Mowgli could babysit. When we left the house we put Mowgli in charge. And we did all those things so often that once he was gone it really was like there was a piece missing in our family. He truly was a part of our family and not just a pet. It's a mystery why God took him so young. I have slept worse with out him between my legs at night. Bagheera still doesn't eat from his side of the dish. We are all suffering with out him.

To make things even worse, the campgrounds we are staying at do not allow dogs of Admiral's size so we had to re-home him. We spoiled Admiral rotten the last week that we had him. He has the worst puppy dog eyes you've ever seen and it was heart breaking to see him go. We gave him to a military family. The wife had every intention of spoiling him just as much and she had a son about Emma's age who loved dogs so we felt very comfortable with the situation. The family came over and spent a good amount of time playing with Admiral and I showed them how to train him. Admiral seemed to really like them and jumped right into their car so we felt comfortable as he drove away. Even still, it was depressing going back into the house. The place in the corner of the room that used to hold his bed was empty. When I let the dogs I'm boarding out to go potty I expected to hear that big giant galloping over from his bed, but I didn't. It's so hard getting used to a valued pet in the family being gone. When we first talked about moving into the RV we had no intentions of getting rid of any of our animals. Now we were down to just the one cat and a chinchilla. I thought I would go crazy! I was used to being always surrounded with animals begging for attention. It's so weird not having Admiral's big slobbery nose in our faces all the time or him laying his head on our laps while we eat. We'll miss the big lug.

I was really struggling with empty nest so Jason and I couldn't resist when we saw someone was giving away a little orange kitten. Emma was asking about Mowgli a lot and we had always wanted to get her a cat of her own. Jason didn't want three cats in the RV so we took this opportunity to get her a kitten. The joy of seeing her face light up when ever Shere Khan is in her arms is just priceless. Shere Khan could never even attempt coming close to replacing Super man cat, Mowgli; but he's great for Emma and he helps fill in a small part of the gap we are all feeling.

We will be selling the chinchilla and taking with us to the RV just two cats. I think this has been the hardest sacrifice for me with this decision to move. Washing dishes by hand I could handle though its annoying having dishes on the counter ALL the time. Taking my laundry out of the home to wash it is inconvenient, but I was fine with the change. But losing my pets and knowing our living space is too small to start another collection is just heart-wrenching painful. I'm just thankful for Jason's strong arm that I can always lean on, his strong guidance and leading of our home, and the prayers that I know are always going up for me and my family in this time.

Yesterday, we saw a glimmer of hope for the future when my mom called to tell us some very exciting news about brother David. It's times like that when I know God is still looking out for us, Amadeus, Mowgli, Admiral and all the changes in our life. It may be silly but I truly believe a cat like Mowg, and all those baby bunnies I lost as a kid, and my old dog Dekker are all waiting for me in my mansion in Heaven. I know animals don't have souls but I also know God knows my heart and I know he'll have my mansion full of pets.

Camper livin' update

I sent out a camper update to most of our family and friends, but for those of you who only keep up with the Lee family via this blog I will let you know where we are at with the camper situation. We went to Eugene, OR a couple weekends ago to see the RV we were really interested in. It turned out to be a VERY nice camper for a little amount of money (in comparison to others we had looked at). The owner was super nice. She paid for our hotel room and took us to lunch and a little out door cafe. I had a turkey sandwich that was to die for. So, we bought the camper. It has a loft in the back with floor space underneath. That will be Emma's room. It's 36 foot with 3 slides. We are very excited about this move, only 30 more days. It honestly can not happen soon enough. The Eugene RV dealership is holding the RV for us until December 1st and is brining it up for us then. Actually, since Jason has LASIK November 30th, we'll probably see if they can bring the camper sooner as he'll be down for the count for a few days afterwards and I have no intentions of moving all these boxes on my own. For those of you who still think we're crazy, you would never believe how many people are doing this now a days. In this economy, RV living is the way to go if you have a small family.

12 October 2011

I can't believe how one day Emma will seem like my little 2 year old and the next day she really lets her colors shine! She is so smart! I honestly fear I will not be able to keep up with her. I want to always be stimulating her mind. This morning we had to leave the house at 0930 because someone was coming to look at it for possible rental. The showing only takes 10-15 minutes and I don't have the car so we just walked down to a near by grassy area with a basket ball court. The basket ball court was fenced off so I figured that would be a good place to let Admiral off leash since I couldn't find his training collar. We found a deflated volleyball in there and I threw it around for Admiral. As I was doing this Emma came up to me and asked me to sit down with her near a crack in the pavement. There was a loose piece of pavement that she was jiggling and trying to pull out of the crack. She asked me to help her get it out. It was definitely not going to come out, but she would not have understood that so I told her to go get a stick that was near by. She did not even give me the stick when she got back. She just sat down and started using it like a tool to get the piece of pavement unstuck. She knew why I had asked her to get the stick and started using it with out me even having to show her. It was so amazing to me. My first thought was "she's just like a monkey, using the tools around him" ha ha Through out our time at the basket ball court she took the stick and dug around at loose pieces of concrete. Sometimes she got them out and sometimes she didn't.

Then, I was further impressed because I started kicking the ball around. I asked Emma to kick it back to me not expecting anything. She went right up to it like any professional soccer player and kicked it pretty good right back to me. It went maybe 8 feet. I remembered Jason showing her how to kick a ball at the park, but I had no idea she could have remembered that only having ever done it once before.

Emma asked if we could have ice cream. My watch told me it should be safe to go back home so we headed back. On our way we came up to this tree. Some rail road ties were lined up next to it. Emma started walking on the rail road ties and didn't want to go so I let her do that for a while. Then she started seeming interested in the tree. I could tell kids had climbed on the tree before because they had nailed pieces of wood up further on the tree to help them since it did not have any low branches. I tried to get Emma let me help her climb up the tree, but she would have nothing to do with it. So I set her down and said we had to go. She suddenly decided she did want to climb the tree, but she wanted to do it on her own. I showed her where to put her hands and feet and acted as a spotter; but she climbed about 4 feet of the tree all on her own. I was so proud of her and I could tell she was proud of herself too.

When we got home I gave her some left over ice cream from Dairy Queen. She didn't want that and kept asking for the blue one. I looking in the freezer confused and sure enough found a blue pop cycle. How she even saw that I don't know. So I gave that to her and told her to eat it on the fire place. She started eating it as she watched me get a sandwich around for my lunch. She said she wanted a cheese sandwich so I started to get her stuff out. Then she changed her mind so I put her stuff back. Then, after inhaling mayo from off my index finger and nearly choking to death Emma decided she DID want that cheese sandwich after all. She climbed up on the counter leaving her little foot prints as she went. I got her stuff back out of the pantry and started to make it. She was very concerned about the mayo situation. She set her pop cycle down on the counter and started telling me to put mayo on her bread. I said "I'm getting to it already, would you hold your horses." Upon saying that Emma picked her pop cycle back up. I didn't think anything of it until she licked it a couple times and then handed it to me and said, "Here I'm done with my horses."

I guess I'm not ready

I woke up feeling really happy this morning. So, I decided not to take any of my depression medicine. I thought "I'M CURED!" An hour and a half later I almost cried because the RV we really liked was already pending sale. And in a 10 minute increment of time I had nearly had a nervous break down about that, missing the Navy and my Master Chief, missing the Gunsmoke house my Dad built for our family, missing my friend Dana and remembering how she taught me how to make ramen noodles. (Don't laugh that I didn't know). Now I feel numb again and feeling more depressed that I wasn't cured. Oh, well. Back on the medicine I guess. I have plans to get out of the house and take Emma to the indoor play ground. Our evening plans of looking at campers are foiled so we'll probably just team up to clean the house instead. And I guess we're back to hoping for the 2011 we were wanting before.

Something has just been different

Earlier I posted about Emma's morning. I said it was not really any different than any other morning and it wasn't in the fact that Emma is always doing something silly and spontaneous. (I wonder where she gets that from?) But, it was different in so many ways. I woke up happier than usual and more energetic. It was weird because I had a headache which normally really puts me in the slumps. It was 1400 (2PM) when I thought it was 1100. (Weird thing #1) I did not eat anything except for crackers in the morning with my water. (Weird thing #2) I was extremely energetic all day. (Weird thing #3) In fact, it is after 0300 now and I have not slept. (Weird thing #4) We ordered pizza tonight for dinner which had been on my mind. (Not so weird) I had to go take care of some dogs. The whole family went. When we came back from doing the dogs, Jason was tired. He had watch so I suggested he go to bed. I'm trying to get together a huge garage sale for this weekend so I stayed up. (Relatively normal) I let Emma stay up too.(More weird than normal) She thought she was so cool. I left her watching a movie while I tucked Jason in. When I came back she told me I could go back and sleep with Dad.(Predictable) I wondered what she would do if we ever just left her on her own one night with out putting her to bed. I'm sure she would eventually just end up in our bed.(Random thought)

The guinea pigs cages were severely over due on a cage cleaning so nearing 1030 PM I started cleaning them out.(Weird thing #5) I couldn't help but notice the bunny just sitting still in his cage. I jiggled his cage and still he seemed lifeless.(Weird thing #6) I was afraid to touch him. Too often in my years I've reached to snuggle with a bunny only to find a cold, firm body instead. So, as horrible as I felt, I woke Jason to inspect the situation. (Bad decision) Of course, the bunny was just fine and I felt even more horrible for having woken Jason up. (Embarrassing) Thirty minutes later Jason had to go to watch. I didn't stay up too much later. I got in bed and watched some instant play. My body was not feeling tired at all and I honestly did not want to go to sleep. (Weird thing #7) It was like a mixture of being really excited for something going on the next day and not being able to sleep; and, yet also fearful that something was going to go wrong and I couldn't let myself fall asleep.

Emma had decided she wanted to sleep with the bunny. (Weird, but not surprised) She had to sleep in her room tonight since Jason had watch. I thought, "What harm could come from it? She would probably sleep with out night mares and worse case scenario she would get peed on." She went to bed with out a single fuss(Weird thing #8) and was just happy as a clam when I told her she could keep the bunny. Around 0230 I thought I might as well go out and walk on the treadmill.(Weird thing #9) Jason would be home soon. As I was getting up Emma suddenly started crying out, "Where's the bunny?"(not what I was expecting) He had hopped down while she was asleep. I put him back in the bed and explained while he might jump down onto the rug he wouldn't leave her room. She seemed satisfied with that answer, hugged him close to her and laid back down. God has really blessed us with the most patient rabbit EVER! Earlier when I thought he had been dead I held him in my arms like a baby, on his back, for several minutes and he just laid there content. Didn't try to get away and closed his eyes as if he was really enjoying the attention. It is a sad thought for me to not have him when we move into our camper (as we are pretty serious about doing).

Anyway, (it's late, and I know I'm rambling....sorry) I got up to walk. I walked for 20 minutes which is how long it should have taken Jason to get home. But he never came home.(Not weird if you keep reading) My mind wondered as I thought the worse. But I shook away the feelings. Admiral and I stood outside for a while trying to decipher what kind of animal was making this weird barking noise.(Weird thing #10) It couldn't have been a dog. If it was a dog, that is the weirdest bark I've ever heard. My best guess was some kind of raccoon or bird. But do raccoons bark? I suppose I should know the answer to that.

I felt hungry so I came in and had some Kix that the Craigs had just given us earlier that night. They were good. It was like my dinner since dinner was like my lunch. I'm actually still hungry, though. Cereal never did fill me up very good. Except grain nuts. They are filling. (Rambling again. Now you all know what it's like to be my diary ha ha)

It is almost 40 after 3 now and Jason still isn't home. It just dawned on me that his watch actually probably went until 4.(Duh) That would make more sense having a 4 hour watch instead of a 3 hour watch. I'm starting to think I really should go to sleep.(ha ha) But, then, in a few minutes Jason would come home and I would wake up again. So, I might as well just stick it out until he does get home.

I don't know. Today was just a weird day for me. Ten weird things in fact. Jason is home now. He laughed at my ridiculous evening. I still don't feel like sleeping but suppose I must.

(DNP: Did not Proofread)

Emma's day so far

Emma has been sleeping at the foot of our bed on her mattress because it keeps her from having nightmares. This morning I was blessed to wake up two hours later than usual to Emma singing away. I tried to act like I was asleep because I wanted to just enjoy her song. But Emma pokes her little head up from time to time to see if I'm awake. She saw my eyes were open and she got the biggest glowing smile on her face and said "Oh momma! You woke up." She's so sweet to patiently let me sleep. I thank Jason for teaching her to respect mommy's sleep. Then, as she always does, she asked "Where's Dad?" I told her he was at work as I do every morning and then Emma started playing her little game that she likes to play. She said, "He's on the couch." I laugh and say, "No, he's at work." She says, "Daddy's in the bed." I laugh and tickle her and say "No, silly, he's at work." She says "Daddy's at the counter." Then I tickle tickle tickle and give her a hug and say "Daddy's at work." The tickle, tickle, hug seems to be the end of her game.

I was further surprised when I wanted to get up and get around and Emma said, "Don't get up." Usually I try to lay around in bed and Emma is egging me to get up. She bring me my clothes and tries to pull me out of bed. I was thankful she wanted to let me rest, but I needed to get up and take care of my headache.

Emma and I went into the bathroom where I did my morning routine (which this morning mainly just consisted of putting my contacts in). My headache was worse and I was waiting for a phone call from my mother-in-law so I decided (since I had Emma's permission) I would just get back in bed. As I lay waiting there for my phone call, I watched Emma through a mirror that viewed the bathroom. She was putting her finger on my contact case and then touching her eye lid (as if to put on her contacts). She did that to both eyes. Then she started filling the case with water, dumping it out, and filling it again. She then realized the case was very similar to a small cup and she decided to start drinking water from the contact case. This really tickled her as a really fun activity so she filled up the case and brought it out to ask me if I wanted some. I said "No, thank you." She said "No?" I said, "No, thank you." She said, "Ok." And set the case down on the bedside table. Then she stepped back looked at it and said, "Oh" and then picked it up and moved it to the coaster. (YES! My training is paying off!)

Karen called so I got up to pace the house as I always do. Emma followed me with her contact case drinking and playing around with the water. Then she got the bright idea that she wanted to put juice in it. I told her to wait until I was off the phone. So she put the case down and started eating chips. She took a handful of chips and then told me she was done with the chips. So, while still talking on the phone, I rolled up the bag, put a clip on it and put them away. As soon as Emma was done eating her handful she said, "More chips?" I whispered "I thought you were done eating chips?" She said, "More chips." So I got them back out and set them on the table. She took another handful and said, "Done with chips." I just rolled my eyes and whispered back "If you want more then they'll be there, if you don't want more you don't have to have any." She was satisfied with that answer.

I was pacing the living room talking with Karen about our camper living idea. Emma suddenly rushed up to me very concerned. "Mowgli threw up. Mowgli threw up." I told her it was ok and that I would clean it up in a minute. But, as I went back to my phone conversation Emma couldn't get over the throw up. She kept running past it and talking about how it was there. (Too much Mr. Monk, I think for her) Then she leaned on the couch and lifted her foot and asked me to clean the throw up off her foot. I just laughed and said, "Emma, if you don't want it to get on your foot, then don't run on top of it. I'm talking to Nana, I'll clean it in a minute." She ran around on the side of her foot for the rest of my conversation. As soon as I hung up she ran back to the couch, lifted her foot and said, "Clean throw up?" (I wonder if Karen had any idea all this was going on as we talked.)

I cleaned everything up. Then as Emma's memory served, she remembered I had promised to fill the contact case with juice. I had hoped she had forgotten but it was the first thing she asked after cleaning up the throw up. I filled it with juice and then proceeded to take care of my head ache. Emma wanted a fruit snack only because she happened to see them in the drawer when I grabbed for the crackers. So, I gave her a packet. She climbed up on the counter to eat them (as she usually does) I got my fiber water prepared. Emma helped me stir my fiber and of course ate some of my crackers. I turned around to get my medicine and when I came back she was dipping her cracker in my water. I got her a cup of her own for dipping. She watched me take my pills and mimicked my nasty face I made. Then asked "Was the medicine good?" I said, yes because she was smiling but really I hate taking pills. I gave her one of her gummy vitamins which she calls her medicine. Then she proceeded to continue dipping crackers in her water.

This mornings activities are really not too different from any other day, but Emma just seemed so cute and grown up today I really wanted to record it. So I went to get the computer. No sooner had I sat down and logged in, Emma started complaining about having spilled something. I didn't jump up right away. I figured it was just a couple drips. But she wouldn't stop talking about it so I looked up and sure enough she had completely dumped her entire cup of cracker water all over the counter and was dancing in the puddle making it splash. I went over to clean it up. Emma tried to help by using her fruit snack packet as a wipe. I put some paper towels over the water and I said, "Emma, could you try not making a mess at least one time a day?" She didn't have a response. She stepped on the paper towels to try and dry her feet. It was not productive AT all. I picked her up, dried her feet on a towel, took her wet diaper off, and told her to go get some panties. (She's been doing extremely well with potty training.)

I sat down to begin writing this post to tell you of these amazing Emma Accomplishments. Emma came running back, happy as could be, holding up the bottoms to her swimsuit and said, "I got these." I just laughed and said, "Ok, sure." Then she took Admiral back to the room to play.

Now I'm finally done writing this post.

Emma's Cheese Sandwich

If there is a blessing in being depressed

One thing I've noticed about depression is that on a good day, the littlest things can make me happy. This morning I couldn't help feeling so proud that I vacuumed two rooms. I dressed in jeans and a nice shirt unlike my usual sweat pants and grundgy look. I'm looking forward to training Henry this morning. He's learning so quickly. And, I found a new take on my screenplay that makes it play out a lot better than before. I'm excited to keep working on it. It's a great hobby for me. I don't have a lot of energy today. I probably won't get a whole lot done. I'll probably do a lot of laundry since that entails sitting on the couch watching Monk while I fold clothes. But these small accomplishments today are enough to encourage me. Last couple days I have been feeling a lot more down than usual. I don't even know why. So, when I woke up and felt like vacuuming today it made me very happy.

Something my Grandpa taught me

I'm writing this post sitting on the rug in Emma's room. She is sitting next to me reading a book. Admiral is literally laying on my feet as he can never be close enough. Amadeus is hoping around chewing on Emma's blocks. Emma doesn't seem bothered. I'm having the most fun I've had in the last couple days with my little Tyke and two of my favorite pets and we are only on an 8X10 space. The only thing that would make this moment better is if on the bed next to me laid my two cats and somewhere Jason was sitting. It would also be fun if even the chinchilla was running around or at least in his cage next to us. This is my family. It doesn't matter what we are doing as long as we are all together.

About a month or two ago Jason and I joked around about selling all and living in our tent on a campground somewhere to save money. That led to the conversation of how it would be great to be a single 1st class in the Navy. You could buy a camper and just live out of it and the Navy would still give you Basic Allowance for Housing which would cover the monthly cost of the camper and then some.

Two days ago Jason shared the camper idea with a 1st class in his division. The guy loved the idea and by lunch he was searching for a camper to buy. Jason came home and told me what had happened. The next day I couldn't help but think of all the advantages living in a camper could bring even our family. This morning sitting on this rug and enjoying life made me think it really could be a reality. Admiral is a huge dog, but his breed is actually PERFECT for small space living. Great Danes lay around most of the day and hardly need any exercise. We searched campers just for fun last night and found one with a garage on the back meant for a motorcycle or 4-wheeler. But, I thought it would be the perfect place for our other animals. Seeing that there was something out there that would work for our entire family, animals and all, I suggested to Jason that we live in a camper. We could save a boat load of money on monthly bills, Veterans (which I am) can stay at state parks for free, and at any given moment we could get bored with where we are at and move. If I'm missing my mommy we drive to Arizona. If Jason's feeling homesick, we drive out east. People can visit us if they want to go camping and I don't know any of my family members who wouldn't want to go camping. I could have sold all and bought the camper last night. Now, that's the first part of this story.

Second, and much shorter is that as a dog trainer, I have been craving a small dog of my own that can be my constant buddy. One that isn't gigantic so I can take him in the car with me when I go to my training jobs. We went and looked at a border collie last night for possible purchase for this reason. I liked the dog well enough. I had wanted a border collie when I was thinking about breeds I would enjoy. The people were asking somewhat of a high price, but still affordable. If I had brought cash I could have taken him right then and there. (End of 2nd half of story)

Now for the moral. When I was living with my grandparents a few years back I remember my Grandpa telling me that he always slept on an idea. If in the morning he still felt good about it then he would follow through. Really important decisions sometimes needed more nights to sleep on it. I was a young adult with my own ideas at the time that he told me so I didn't understand how helpful of an idea it was until I was older and more mature. I've been trying to incorporate his advice in my daily decisions ever since I spontaneously bought a car that was WAY to expensive.

So, last night after Jason and I stayed up late talking about what we wanted out of life, I slept on the two decisions of selling all and buying a camper and getting another companion dog.

This morning I was thoroughly surprised when I woke up wanting to start right away with a garage sale and feeling less comfortable with getting the dog. I couldn't help but think of what my Grandpa taught me. Is it really a good idea to give up everything and live the camper life for the next 5-6 years? Could we really handle it? I currently have no doubts other than I'm not sure where I will take a shower. (Do they come with campers?) The only other doubt I have is which kind of camper we would get. If we get a pull behind we would have to sell the car and get a truck. If we got the kind of camper that drives itself we could keep the car. I can also comfortably say that I don't think I should get the companion dog right now. I woke up with doubts and I need to trust that. I feel like if we are meant to get the camper than we definitely can't get another dog. So either God is leading us down a certain path guiding me by my gut, or I'm just more keen on the idea of a camper right now.

I have to honestly say, as lovely as our house is, I hate living here. It's been nothing but bad experiences emotionally in this house. It is not the sanctuary I was hoping for. Six months later I still feel like I'm living in someone else's home. I suppose the thought of leaving this house is enough to make even a camper sound appealing. But whatever the reason I woke up feeling great about the camper idea, all I know is I did feel comfortable with it and so I will continue looking into the idea.

Pre-Pre School

Well, after a fun fill last couple months of lovely visitors, Emma and I buckled down and started what I like to call "pre-pre school." I feel extra special as mothers all around me are talking about how heart broken they are that their little ones were being sent off to their first day of school and I get to stay home with mine while still having all the feelings of starting school.

I knew having a strict routine would really help me feel better with the "blues" I've been feeling and my lack of energy. So, early on I made a school chart for Emma and I to follow. The chart includes reading a story, letters and sounds, animal sounds, ABC's, shapes, activity, dot to dot, counting, read or watch something educational, vowels, Bible time, music and science. The last memories I had of myself being in school as a young kid were starting school at 0900, working until 1200, lunch break, back to school at 1:15 and I was done when my work assignments were complete for the day. I really thought Emma's schedule would go basically the same.

I was very energetic and enthusiastic Monday morning of our first day of school. I felt prepared. My chart was hung on the wall, stickers were organized in my roll away table with easy access to Emma's little fingers. School subjects were placed in separate organized piles and placed neatly in a tub on top of the roll away table. Educational kids books were in the drawers of the table that Emma could get to when it was time. I rolled the table up to the bar and Emma and I sat down for our first subject: Read a story.

I decided we could read through Aesop's fables because they teach good morals. But the book did not have pictures and I think Emma was too young to care why the dog wasn't letting the ox eat it's hay. I tried not to get discouraged as the first subject was not going over well. I decided to move onto a different subject and the next story would have pictures and be more interesting for her. Next was letter and sounds. This was better because I already had flash cards that Kim had sent me. And, boy, were they helpful! We did letters A-E. I felt like Emma cared more about the picture on the flash card than what sound the letter was making but I tried not to let that discourage me either. I knew from previous experiences that Emma listens even when you think she's not and especially when you wish she wasn't (ha ha) so I knew what I was saying was sinking in somewhere to be used at a later time when her brain thought it was necessary.

Emma was starting to get antsy so I decided it was time to move on to animal sounds. Mom had given us some "sounds animals make" flash cards so that was very helpful and fun for Emma. We were only 3 subjects in and Emma was having fun but she was not acting like she wanted to do anymore. I could tell she wanted to get down. I tried to get her settled down for her ABC's, but I was starting to get stressed from her wanting to play and goof off rather than listen to what I was saying. I finally realized I could not expect her to sit down for several hours. I asked her if she wanted to take a break. She said no, but after I explained what taking a break meant she said yes.

She helped me make dinner which I felt was just as educational. After preparing dinner Emma wanted to put more stickers on her chart. She gets to put a sticker next to each subject that she completes. I told her she had to do more school before she could have more stickers. So, that encouraged her to sit back down for 30 more minutes. We worked on shapes, counting and reading an educational book. We read about what to do when you're scared of the dark. Emma loves completing a subject and getting star stickers, courtesy of Jammy, for her completion.

The next day I woke with a head ache so school did not go according to plan at all. I had to understand that I can not always stay on schedule. I'm mostly excited because Emma loves learning at this age. I'm also excited to learn with her. Of course, I already know these easy subjects but as she gets into the harder stuff it will be fun for me to learn again with her.

This might sounds a little weird but it was too funny to ignore

This morning Emma went to the drawer where I keep my bras and she pulled one out and said, "I need boob" then she tried to put it under her shirt.

Later, I was going into the bathroom to comb my hair before we left the house. Emma said, "Go potty." I said, "I don't need to go." She pointed at our toilet which has a green cover on it. She said "Go potty right here." Then she went to her bathroom and said, "Go on the purple. (Her toilet seat cover is purple). I said, "No, I'm not going to go on the purple." So she came back in my bathroom and said "Go on the green." So I went to appease her. As I sat down she got all excited and said, "Good! You're going on the green!"

Josh Groban

Our Josh Groban concert was the 27th of August. So, according to our normal behavior, we rushed home from the pool to get ready to go on the 26th of August. Jason had mentioned that we had the concert on Saturday, but when he said that I thought, for some reason, the concert was on the 26th and told him we needed to hurry and get going because it was actually that night. I reminded my babysitter via text to be here at 1700 (5) and she did not seem surprised so I took that as a good sign. We got in our concert best, gave instructions to the babysitter and took off for the concert. All signs pointed to it being the wrong day. There was no traffic, parking garage was empty, and even as we were walking to the arena, there were no people lined up at the door. The funny thing was Jason and I did not think anything of it. We thought "This is great, the traffic is pretty good. And, oh look, a front row parking spot. That's lucky." When we got to the door we thought maybe we were using the wrong entrance since no one was lined up. Jason tried the doors and they were locked. Then we both stopped, looked at each other and said, "There's no way there is no line, perfect parking and no traffic on the night of Josh Groban's concert." So I dug around for the ticket and sadly looked on as we read 27th of August. (In our defense, the 26th of August was posted on the ticket for some reason. We had looked at the wrong one before) Jason laughed because this was extremely common behavior for us. We had missed an hour of a concert before, and often times misread movie times ect. But, I was so stoked for the concert and all gussied up (which was not easy for me to do since I had been feeling depressed lately). I even had the perfect hair. I felt very discouraged and I kept trying to will it to suddenly be the 27th. Worst yet we had spent $120 on gas and babysitter that we would have to spend AGAIN the next day for the actual concert. Jason kept a positive attitude and kept me smiling. We looked for a bathroom and decided to take advantage of our babysitter by going to dinner. As we drove back down the 5 we joked around about the situation. Jason said, "Yes, we get dressed up and drive two hours just to go to the bathroom in the Seattle Children's Center. Who wouldn't? Their bathrooms are so nice. Then we go to drabby Pizza Hut for dinner." ha ha

Back at home, we joked with the babysitter. She was more than willing to come back to earn more money the next night.

On the 27th we got ready again. We decided with yesterday being our trial run that we should probably leave a little earlier. We put on the same clothes and I tried to do my hair the same, but it never does turn out exactly the same. We grabbed fast food on the way for dinner. The trip up this time was more disappointing. The day before when we drove up we were happy, singing to loud music with the windows down. But it was cooler this day so we drove most of the way with the windows up. (We love having the opportunity to drive with the windows down since Emma doesn't like the wind in her face we don't get to do it often.)

As predicted we ran into horrible traffic on the way. As we were doing stop and go we looked to our left to see someone we knew from church pulled over on the side of the road. My sister, Liz, also knew her and had told me that she was going to the concert. We called our friends who had their number to make sure everything was ok and hoping that she wouldn't miss the concert. Through that we agreed that we would take her home after the concert. Her phone was dying though so we did not know if we would even be able to get ahold of her after the concert.

We put those thoughts away as the crowd roared and from where we were sitting a man coming out on stage could have been Josh Groban. He wore a suit jacket and had shaggy hair. I knew there was usually an opening act to concerts so I grabbed the binoculars and was thankful that it wasn't Josh yet, because I had missed the entrance. It was an amazing piano player called Elewminate. He didn't say a word, but his music spoke volumes and not only that it was funny. I never knew you could turn piano playing comedic. He did a very good job. He played hits of today from different genres but with his own personal touch and made them magnificent. Then would throw in funny things like the theme to Charlie Brown or soap opera music in the middle of a powerful, emotional song.

When he was done it seemed like an hour before Josh Groban came out. I kept the binoculars ready for when the lights would dim. Finally he ran in through the audience and went to a center stage piano which was amongst all the people. From there it was just great music, laughter, and good times! He was extremely enjoyable. He was everything I thought he would be. His voice was spectacular in real life just like on his CDs. I kept thinking through out the concert that I couldn't believe I was there. It was Jason's first concert and what a great one to be your first! Josh interacted with the audience wonderfully. I really felt like he was looking or talking right at me sometimes.

Afterwards we did get a call from Anna, the stranded girl. She was on the opposite side of the arena so we walked to her. We were afraid we wouldn't have anything to talk about on the 2 hours back home, but she ended up being very nice, talkative, and we had a lot in common. I hope to become friends with her because she was very enjoyable. We stopped at Denny's for a late night snack on the way home which is a tradition for us when ever we are coming home late at night from something. It was an expensive last couple evenings, but it was worth it and relaxing and fun!

It's hard to admit but,

Lack of energy. Irritable. Tearing and crying on a regular basis. Not sleeping well. Eating poorly. Memory and concentration slipping. Loss of interest in daily or normally enjoyable activities. Trying to move as less as possible in a day. Feeling this way for several months.

A therapist had me read these symptoms for Chronic Depression out loud. I complained about each and every one of these things on a close to daily basis for the last several months. Others had suggested depression, but I was an Anderson, I had a husband and a daughter to care for. I had no intentions of admitting I was depressed. My life has so much to offer me. First of which being that I can call Jesus my personal Lord and Savior. That alone makes me feel foolish for feeling depressed. I have an amazing, caring husband who loves me unconditionally and would do anything for me. My daughter is well-behaved and a joy to be around. I'm surrounded by a zoo of animals, I just started my own little business, and I'm writing on a regular basis. All of these things should be more than enough for me to be able to wake up happy in the mornings.

There's no stranger feeling than being happy with your life, but feeling like you don't want to live each day. Every evening I dread the night. Every morning I dread the day. There is really no specific thing that makes it better. When all of this was finally too much to bare on my own and even for my husband, I finally humbled and embarrassed myself to go see a therapist.

I told her that I had depressed feelings, but didn't feel like I could be depressed. So, when she asked me to read those symptoms and let her know which ones I was feeling I burst into tears as I finished. I had every symptom on the page! I had to finally admit that I was depressed. I felt like I had let my family down. They were counting on me to clean the house, make meals, play with Emma and train Admiral. They were such simple tasks and I felt so stupid for being so tired each day that I rarely finished any of my chores. Emma was often put outside or in front of a movie. Sometimes I look at my amazing, lovely daughter playing with the animals, acting silly, and I don't feel anything. I just stare at her. I listen to my husband enjoy a film we are both watching, laughing at all the funny parts and I don't feel anything. I just sit there, staring at the TV. All day long I feel like crying, sometimes for no particular reason at all. All the feelings that I was masking and hiding now came out in full force as I left the therapist office, knowing I could no longer deny what I was trying so hard to deny for the last 8 plus months. I'm tired of faking a laugh because I know something would normally make me laugh. I'm tired of putting on a smile so people don't ask me what wrong. I'm tired of being grumpy in the evenings because I forced myself to do my mundane daily chores, spending all day to get them done when any normal mother could do them in a couple hours. I'm tired of pretending I want to go out and do fun activities or visit with friends, when really all I want to do is lie in bed and pretend my family wants to do things with out me. I'm tired at being irritable towards my husband for no particular reason at all. So, I'm taking the plunge. I'm getting "happy pills" and I'm going to at least use this drug to hopefully give me feeling again. I still won't be myself and the drugs are what's going to make me feel happy, but at least through out the day I can enjoy my family, do my chores, and stop forgetting appointments with people in my business.

Hero, Daddy

As I was making potatoes today, Emma was playing in the garage. Suddenly she ran into the house crying saying that something had scared her. She asked me, "What is it?" So I went out to the garage with her. She showed me where she had gotten scared. There were several spider webs and part of the wall was gone so the insulation was showing. I thought it was the insulation that had scared her. It was her bed time so I told her if she went to bed, I would have Daddy fix it when he got home and it would be fixed by the time she woke up.

When Jason did come home I took a break from my potatoes to show him where the spot was and asked him to fix it. He put a board over it.

Laster when Emma woke up she came in our room where we were resting. She asked Daddy, "Fix it?" I couldn't believe she had even remembered. We went out in the garage and Jason showed her where he had fixed it, but she didn't seem comforted. We asked if she was still scared and she said yes. Jason pointed to different things in the garage asking her what scared her. She said, "nope, nope nope." and then finally he pointed to a sack of spider eggs and she said "ya, that scared Emma" So Jason got a broom and knocked it down.

Jason asked if he did a good job fixing it and Emma said, "Ya, good fix."

How long does it take you to mash potatoes?

So this morning I woke up with every intention of making Loaded Mashed Potato Casserole. Little did I know, it would not be the 30 minute prep time that was promised me. I started the project by cleaning up the kitchen around 1000. An hour later between feeding Emma, letting the dog out, and getting something for myself to snack on as I worked I got the kitchen in clean, working order. I pulled out the potatoes which spiked Emma's interest. We had only ever referred to flaked potatoes as potatoes. She crawled up on the counter and when I told her the dirty oval shaped ball on the counter was a potato she looked at me like I was crazy. So I got out the flaked potatoes and a bowl of mashed potatoes out of the refrigerator and put them on the counter next to the bag of potatoes. I explained how each one was potatoes in different form. She listened intently, although, I don't know if she understood. After that, Jason came home for lunch so I paused the mashing of the potatoes project to make him lunch. We worked some financial figures while I prepped the sink area. I wanted to be able to launch right into it after Jason went back to work.

It was 1230 when I started pealing, washing, and cutting potatoes. I had a fantastic system going in the kitchen. I only wished Emma was old enough to pull up a stool and help me. It would have been such fun bonding time for us. Half way through cutting, I sliced my finger. Upon pausing to take care of that, I also sent Emma outside with some crackers.

At 1300 (1pm) I was setting the potatoes on the stove to boil and soften. I stood back and watched "a pot boil" for a while and then decided I would go vacuum the back side of the house while I waited. At 1315 I checked on the potatoes and was slightly confused that they were not boiling yet, but did not think more on it and went back to finish vacuuming. Another fifteen minutes later I went back to check again. Still nothing. I started to think there was something wrong with the stove when I noticed there was more heat coming off from a different burner...

Yes, I turned on the wrong burner and for 30 minutes thought there was nothing awry. FINALLY, when the potatoes were done I poured the water into a measuring cup like my mommy had taught me and started mashing them. It was at this point I should have read the recipe. Adding the water from the potatoes made the mashness too "soupy" with all the other liquid items I was putting in the mixture.

So, I called my sister to find out what a good idea would be for thickening the mixture. We came to the conclusion that I should put some of the "soup" in a separate bowl, heat it up some more and add flaked potatoes. It worked. I put it all together, mixed it up, gave it a taste and was pleased with what I tasted.

At this point Jason came home from work. He thought it was a little funny that I was still working on my 30 min project. He went for a run and I started pouring the potatoes in the pan. Just as the last bit fell into the pan I remembered the recipe said I should grease the pan. SO, I poured it back in the mixer, started hot water and washed up all the dishes including the pan, dried it, greased it and FINALLY poured the potatoes in the pan for good. I topped it with cheese and bacon bits and it is now currently in the oven.

So, to answer the question it took me roughly 5 hours to make mashed potatoes :)

Insert Title Here

have so many things that have happened lately I don't know where to start. I know that you are all waiting on my birthday happenings post. I have pictures to post of my new hair doo, and Emma pulled a funny one this morning that I want to annotate. So, this post does not really have a title. It's just my last few happenings mixed all together in one. I will post in chronological order.

July 30th - Jason had given me close to no clues about my birthday surprise. I'm an extremely good surprise guesser so his best bet it to go ex na (sp) on the clues all together. On the day before the planned activity, Jason had to figure out some last minute arrangements. Through that, I gathered a few clues. It was outdoors, sitting indoors would make it less fun, and he had a reservation for seating. My first thought was a baseball game. And I'm not going to lie, I was hoping that was not it. I could not think of anything else that you would reserve bleach seating for.

The next day Jason programmed the address in the car. He would not let me in the car until he had done so, because the street name would give it away. An hour and a half later we were about to arrive at our destination. Jason feverishly tried to turn down the sound of the navigation, but before he could get to it I heard, "Turn left on Emerald Downs."

I knew the name. Emerald Downs Casino. But, for a moment it did not dawn on me exactly what we would do there. I thought, "A casino? What will we do here? We aren't gamblers and even if we were we don't have any money." But no sooner did I think that I remembered they had horse racing. Jason and I had loved their commercials on the radio and always thought we should go sometime. We had been horse racing before in Maryland and had loved it. I was very excited. It got more exciting as we made our way to our seats. Karen had reserved us box seats right next to the finish line. The first couple races I figured out how to read the statistics. It's all very confusing. Lots of lingo. We had purchased the beginners book, though, so it told us what all the abbreviations and numbers meant. When I felt like I knew what I was doing I made a prediction on which horse would win. And he DID win!! So Karen gave us $20 so we could place real bets on the horses (which I guess does make us gamblers) Of course, wouldn't you know non of my picks won after that. Half way through Jason presented me with a muffin with a candle in it and they sang me happy birthday. It was very special. Karen treated us to pizza. The announcer was supposed to announce my birthday as well but Jason and I were placing a bet when they did so I didn't get to hear it. We had a couple really close calls. I followed the horses around the track with binoculars until they were at the finish line. It was very nerve racking, in a good way, and very fun.

Then we went home. The Craigs came over for cake and ice cream. I opened my gifts. Mom gave me a stunning new pots and pans set. I was in dyer need of one. Jason gave me an adorable salt and pepper shaker set shaped like cats with lilacs on them. The Craigs gave me a much appreciated AMC theatre gift card which we used to watch Cowboys vs. Aliens. It was a very pleasant birthday. I hardly remembered I was getting a year older. Jason went to a lot of trouble to make it very special for me. And Karen also was so nice to finance the trip and make it fun.

Now for my new hair style. Here are some pictures.

Funny story:

All my stories start from...the very beginning. So, let me take you to last night. It was Karen's last evening. She treated us to a good-bye dinner at Sweet Rice (Thai food) and then we came home and had smores on the camp fire for dessert. Emma had only had a 20 min car ride nap the whole day so she was very fussy and defiant. When it was time to say her last good-byes to Karen it did not go over well. We offered for her to sit and read with Karen on the couch or to read to her in her bed. We even offered for her to sleep next to Nana in the living room, but all she wanted was to cuddle with mommy in mommy's bed. So, we compromised and I held her in her bed while Nana sat on a pillow next to the bed and read a few books. Emma fell asleep on my chest. When I tried to move her she woke up and started crying again. So, Nana offered to sit with her until she went back to sleep. Five minutes later she was asleep again. I had given her sleepy cough medicine and thought for sure it would help her sleep through the night.

For whatever reason, maybe she was anticipating Nana departure, she ended up waking up around 0400 (I did not actually check the time) She came in the room wanting to get in my bed. I pulled her up since I knew the alarm would be going off soon. She did not fall back asleep. She was quiet and still for the most part, but as usual she could not find a comfortable position.

Jason got up an hour later to take Karen to the bus stop where she would get a ride to the airport. Emma appeared to be wide awake. Fortunately, she was still coughing. So, while they were gone I gave her some more sleepy medicine and she went down in her own bed with out a fuss.

Jason and I had stayed up talking the night before and then with the early morning we were both pretty tired by the time he got back from the bus stop. An hour later, he got up again and went to work. I rolled over on his side of the bed as I always do to get the best sleep, and thought to myself that Emma would surly sleep until late morning.

Sure enough I heard her come out of her room a couple hours later. I did not check the time but my eyes and body were definitely not ready to get up. So, I told her to go back to her bed. She did not go back to her bed, but she did play quietly in the house and I was able to fall back asleep.

This is where the funny part comes in. Poor little Emma was being so patient and quiet playing in the house. Finally, at 1000 I heard her quietly sneak into my bed. It felt like it was still very early in the morning, but I figured I would let her come up. I rolled over and opened my eyes to help her get in the blankets, but instead she was sitting on her knees with a movie in her hands patiently waiting for me to wake up. When I did turn to her and open my eyes, she whispered, "Watch movie?" I couldn't help but smile at how cute and patient she was. I told her yes, so she hoped down from the bed and started pulling the blankets off of me and said, "Come on. Watch movie."

I set her up with her movie and then realized it was 1000. Jason would be home in an hour for lunch so I decided to stay up in spite of my tired eyes.

Now before I close out this blog I have to tell you what happened just now. I took a break from writing because Jason came home for lunch. Emma got busy playing with a barbie that she calls "Princess" that I had given her a couple days ago from my childhood collection. She's been carrying it around as her favorite toy since then. I was just about to post this on my blog when she came running up to me and said, "Princess bath?" I thought that was a cute idea so I went with Emma to the bathroom to prepare a bath. As I walked I wondered if I would take the barbie's clothes off or not. But, when I got to the bathroom and went to turn on the water, 'Princess' was already sitting naked in the tub. I laughed and turned on the water. Emma said, "There you go, Princess. Take a bath." Then she took her own clothes off and got in with her. When I left she was washing her Princess' hair.

I

A most special moment

Nana Karen arrived a couple days ago, and while that was a special moment, it is not the moment I speak of. Since she has been here Emma has been spending all her time with her. This is good because they don't get to see each other that often. But, I am starting to miss my little Tyke. Why, even this morning when she opened her bedroom door I started to call to her to come to my bed, but she heard Nana talking on the phone in the living room and went out to see her instead. I know these are special memories for Karen so I'm not too concerned.

However, I do soak in those special moments when Emma remembers I'm still here. Yesterday Jason and I were driving home from Mount Vernon and I told him that I was sort of missing Emma. It almost seemed like she was gone. I did not think my days were spent spending that much time with her. I always feel like I'm not giving her enough time. But, since I'm not the center of her attention anymore I can tell how much time we do spend together generally, and I do miss that time. I did not expect to become so attached when I got out of the Navy. I hope I don't turn into the kind of parent who can't let their children out of their sight because they will miss them. I do cherish every moment with Emma. She is so sweet.

Back to the story. When Jason and I got home I received a most adoring welcome. Emma saw me come through the door. Her eyes lit up. She opened her mouth wide in excitement. She said, "mama!" and ran to me with arms open. I picked her up and she squeezed her little arms around my neck in a quick 5-10 second hug. Then she wanted down. Those 10 seconds were so special for me, though and I will always remember them. That night I also spent some time playing tickle with her. She loves that game and it was good to spend some more time with her.

I am going to take advantage of Nana being here, however. I will take this time to bust out my screenplay and work on my school course. I do have plans to spend some time with Karen as well. I want to go Antique shopping and introduce her to a couple friends over coffee. It should turn out to be a relaxing vacation for all of us. I just know post vacation is going to be tough getting Emma back into the swing of things. But every moment with her far away grandparents is worth the extra work getting her back on schedule. This whole month is full of visitors so I might as well wait to worry about it until after the first week of September when my last visitor leaves. Then, I will start a pre pre school program for Emma and get her a jump start on that algebra.

"Oh, what a night" (To be sung like in Four Season's Lyrics)

Jason and I slapped ourselves down in bed around 1700 (5) after putting Emma down for her much needed nap after truck shopping all day. We had watched a couple episodes of Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman and some episodes of Robin Hood when Jason asked me if I wanted to wake Emma up since it was going on 2100 (9). I said, "Let's just let her sleep through the night as I'm sure she will with the trying day that she had." (Mistake #1)

Emma did not sleep through the night. At the early hour of 0100, she woke up crying. It was just a whimper, but shortly after I heard her coming out of her room. So, I went to her. I picked her up and figured I would sit with her in her room for a while because surely she was still very tired. As I started walking back towards her bed, Emma started frantically rambling off all the things she would rather do, "Princess movie? Book? Eat?" As I laid her down she could tell I would soon give in to something so she pulled out her most dangerous weapon of all: "Mommy's bed?" I couldn't resist. (Mistake #2)

When we first laid down in my bed she laid quiet and still and I thought we would both be able to go back to sleep. But then, as we were laying there Admiral had heard us and now he wanted to go outside to go potty. I reluctantly got up and told Emma to stay in bed and be quiet while I was gone. At this point, it is important that you know, from the time we got home from truck shopping until we turned in for the night, neither Jason nor I had seen Cooper (dog I'm pet sitting) go potty. We had let them out several times through out the evening and still nothing. He has figured out he can jump over our short fence and get to the street so we don't leave him out there too long.

SO, now it was 03:46 and Cooper ran around to the other side of the house instead of going for the fence so I hoped he was going potty, but I did not get off the porch to know for sure. Back inside I put Cooper in his kennel where he sleeps every night and where he had been since we turned in for the night.

Back in bed, Emma was getting antsy and she was not sleeping. (Which you might have just assumed since she was getting antsy) I told her if she could not lay still she would have to go back to her bed. I rolled in close to Jason and then let her try to find a comfortable position for her self. This included me having a diaper in my face twice, her feet on my shoulders, dropping her security pillow in the floor twice and asking me to get it for her, shoving her feet in my ribs and then kneading me like a cat, and being turned completely upside down so that her diaper was on my pillow. Every time I went to situate her back to a normal sleeping position she would ask for food or drink. Our house hold is out of easy snacks and I was not going to make something so she was out of luck with the food. I did have a glass of water by my bed, however, so I decided to let her have a drink of that. (Mistake #3) In the dark of the night, I tipped the cup too much and spilled water all over Emma's shirt, myself, and the bed. I quickly took action to keep Emma from crying as I knew from past experiences would be her reaction. (Although, I'm sure Jason was not able to sleep through all of this anyway, I was hopeful)

Finally at 0500 I took Emma back to her own bed as she was not settling down. She asked for the princess movie and then a drink. I went and got her a cuppy of juice, but by-passed the princess movie.

Back in bed, I thought surly I could catch a few Z's. (Mistake #4) Stupid dog, Cooper, started whining. His whines are low toned but at this stage in the game I would need complete quiet in order to fall back asleep. So I went out to his kennel and pounded on the walls of it which shut him up. I slept for an hour at which time Jason's alarm went off. I slept while he got ready for work until he woke me to say good-bye. Then I slept another hour until he called me and told me he was coming back because he forgot his ID card to get on base. He asked me to bring it out to him. I thought he was on our street or near by so I got the ID right away and stood outside in my robe feeling very drowsy. I probably only waited a minute or two but it felt like ten, so I decided to put the ID in a flower pot and the flower pot in the drive way so he could get it and I could go back to bed. (Mistake #5) As I came back in the house to call him and tell him it would be in the flower pot, I went to wipe my feet on the rug. But, much to my surprise, the rug was wet. I assumed it had to be pee from Cooper. I couldn't believe after all those times we put him out he decided to still do it in the house. So I walked on the side of my food, which was wet with pee to try and get to my phone. I took to long making the call though. When he answered he didn't say anything and then hung up. As soon as the phone was hung up I heard his foot steps in the house. I ran out into the hallway forgetting about my pee foot and shouting quietly, "In the flower pot. In the flower pot."

Back in bed (how many times have I said that?) I closed my eyes and thought to myself, "Wow, windows, how much light you bring in" (to be read like little Red Riding Hood's What big ears you have.) It was then that I decided I would never fall back asleep. I started to think of my busy day and that I had a test coming up already in my new school course. My eyes were so tired I didn't think I could keep them open, but my mind was not going to sleep. So, instead I wrote this blog, planned to get up and start cleaning house for my mother-in-law's arrival in a few days, and refrain from figuring out how many hours of sleep I actually got last night. This is a good plan I think as our morning chipmunk is out side the window making his morning calls and that would have kept me from going back to sleep for sure. (Non-mistake #1)

(I'll let you add in your own thoughts as to what I did with the pee foot.)

It's like a new adventure

Well, Jason had his first day at my old command, Naval Ocean Processing Facility couple days ago. It's been a new experience for Jason. He went from being a trusted leader and highly qualified to being the new guy with no quals that meet the requirements of his new command. He has had a happy spirit about his new job so I think he's enjoying it. I tried to prepare him as best as possible. It is a little weird for him. He gets "Oh, THAT Lee." a lot when people find out he is my husband. And people I didn't know I knew like to talk about our great relationship to him ha ha. I am talked about often because I am the common knowledge between everyone there and Jason so that is probably weird for Jason. But after Jason has been through the meet and greet, checking in process it should go very smoothly. Master Chief has predicted that he'll be Tactical Coordinator by December and he has already been told he'll be deploying late October. He starts his first class to get qualified next week. I'm very excited for him to be there! It's stress free for all of us and it's close to home. He comes home for lunch. We give each other a break from our days by being together in the afternoon.

This is a new experience for me as well. The first day Jason went into work, I wasn't left alone more than 30 minutes and two dogs decided that would be the moment they would escape the yard and run down to an unfriendly neighbor. It was a great reminder at how helpful Jason is when he's home. After chasing down the dogs and trying to keep the neighbors from calling animal security, I decided to take advantage of my time alone to start back working on my screen play. But an hour later Jason ended up being home for the day. (And I hadn't even logged out of facebook yet)

Now that it's Tuesday, I have a little better schedule in place. I'm trying to get up with Jason so I have 3 or 4 hours to myself before Emma gets up. This morning, my time to myself was spent creating a personalized contract for my new business that I'm trying to get up and running.

You may or may not be aware that I have been pet sitting for a few months now. I really enjoy it. It's easy and right up my alley. I've started getting a lot of jobs and clients. I decided it's time to look into expanding my business into something I can really make money at. My landlord is looking into letting me start up on the property I'm renting. I will be expanding to dog walking, dog training and pet consulting as well. I am also enrolled to begin animal behavioral college in a few weeks. This sort of came up suddenly, but I'm really excited about it. I feel God is working here and opening doors for me. I feel like I fit in my civilian life better now.

Jason is so supportive. He has been helping me organize myself on the computer. I really could use a better desk to feel really professional. But I am happy to use what I have. I am really looking forward to where this business will take me and to go through this school.