Observant Baby

Emma's getting so observant. Sometimes she really surprises me because I don't even realize she's been paying such close attention to the little things. For example, one day we were driving home from running errands. As soon as we pulled into the garage it was like she took over my role. We pulled in and she said "We're Home!" Then she got herself out of her seat. As we passed by the garage door she reached out and pushed the button to close the big garage door like a pro. Then she praised herself by saying, "Good Girl." I set her down on the ground and she ran up to the screen door and started pushing the button to open it. (she isn't strong enough to pull it open) I opened the screen door and she began jiggling the handle to the front door (also not strong enough) and I let her inside. When we were both inside she shut the front door with both hands pushing it closed like it weighed twice as much as her and then she reached up and turned the bolt to the lock position. For a minute I just stood back in awe before bending down to give her lots of praise. I was in shock. She normally just runs straight to the house or out in the yard like a wild child. I had no idea she was paying attention to all the details. And to top it off, last night we were waiting in the car (which I had turned off) for the Craigs to get home. The house keys were sitting in the middle console. Emma saw them, picked them up, and stuck one of them in the ignition of the car. Of course it wasn't a good fit and all it did was trigger the lights to go on in the car but I was amazed she recognized that the house key was a key and that I used keys to start the car. After all, my car key is a switch blade type and it has a team Edward key chain on it. The house keys are normal keys on just a single ring with no key chain. I foresee Emma being very observant as an adult and she's going to be so smart like her father.

Single Moms

Why did I think I would be a good mother? Why didn't anyone else warn me about parenthood? It's not like my husband or my parents didn't know my personality. Why was I allowed to bare a child? In their defense, my parents would never presume to tell me how to live my married life and Jason and I chose to have a child for selfish reasons. But I'M FREAKING OUT NOW!!
I can't be a single mom. That I know for sure. Jason and I will always be together legally and in spirit; but physically he is not always going to be with me. I'm stuck making the decisions for our family and I haven't a clue what I'm doing.
I have a nervous laugh. I'm a jolly person anyway, but even when I'm nervous or scared I will laugh things off to appear like I have control of the situation or that I'm not afraid of what's going on in my life. Well, some might think that's a good thing and I was fine with it until it rubbed off on Emma. Now, she laughs at me when I'm punishing her or when she tries to get away with something. Because in the heat of the moment, I also laugh. I don't know how to control it.
And to top it off, though I thought I was learning better to say "no" to people, the fact of the matter is...it's still near impossible for me to do. Emma isn't even two and she already has learned that a goofy smile, a funny face, a sad sounding reason for why she did it, or trying to give me a kiss in the heat of the moment, will make me change my no to a yes like nothing else.
An observant friend told me I don't give enough attention to Emma. I don't talk to her enough. And that she whines to get my attention because I don't notice her when she tries to talk to me. The horrible thing is, it is all true. I started trying to take notice of when she talks to me. It's so hard because I really tend to get focused in what I'm doing (especially if I'm on the computer) but now that I listen for her I notice she talks to me a lot and I hadn't even heard her before.
Emma's immediate future is doomed basically until Jason gets back. And when Jason does get back I need to make sure I trust his judgment. I'm so embarrassed to go out in public or to go to a friend's house. It's obvious my friends are annoyed with Emma's loud behavior that I can't seem to control it. They can't see her for the adorable, sweet Angel that I see here at home (not that I blame them).
I feel lost, alone, deserted, and full of failure. How can I ask family and friends to give her a proper upbringing if I can't even do it myself?
And now, Emma has brought all her clothes from her dresser out and put them on the couch. So I will go tend to that.

My little copy cat

I just finished looking through a One Step Ahead magazine to look for Christmas ideas for Emma. I set it down to go to their website and of course Emma wanted to look at the magazine then, too. Maybe she will give me an idea as to what she wants for Christmas. She's standing behind me on the computer chair now, leaning on my back and flipping through the magazine like its a newspaper.
This morning, I made pancakes. I fed Emma first so I could clean up the kitchen in peace. Emma ate two full pancakes and drank some milk and then I took her out of her high chair. It wasn't 10 minutes later, I was sitting down with my pancakes and she decided she wanted to eat with me again. She sat in the table chair next to me and nibbled on another pancake and drank her milk, just like me. We talked for a little bit and then I got up and pushed my chair in. Silly Emma, got up and pushed her chair in too. :)
Emma follows me around the house doing exactly what I do. It's so cute, but so nerve racking. I already know she's picking up bad habits, I just hope they aren't too bad....and now I have a magazine on my head so I'll take this time to go flip the chicken which I'm cooking up for lunch.

Kisses

Well, it has come time to start really going through the house, organizing and getting things ready for the packers. I leave in 48 days. I went through all of Emma's toys and stuffed animals getting rid of all the ones she doesn't play with anymore. Emma helped as she always does, trying to do exactly what I do every moment of the day. When we got to the stuffed animals, though, Emma took a different approach. She picked up a stuffed animal, kissed it, set it down, then picked up another and kissed it. She went on like that through each animal. It was so cute.
Lately, Emma has been very happy and fun. She's learning more and more words. I can just about understand anything that she says even though it is still mostly garbled. She is a real joy to be around. I don't know what I would do with out her.

Sleeping with Emma

Poor little Emma went to bed last week with a runny/stuffy nose. She couldn't sleep and woke up about every hour. Around 0200 I finally just brought her in my bed. Emma has this thing whenever she sleeps with me she insists on nudging her feet under my ribs. One, it tickles; but two, it just isn't comfortable. Even if I try to move her legs to point a different direction, she'll wake up, whine about it, and then stick her feet back under my ribs. So, needless to say I don't sleep great when she sleeps with me.
But there is nothing more special than waking up in the morning and having my special tiny tyke snuggling in next to me. She's always so happy when I first bring her in the bed. She's doing much better at sleeping on her own, but I can't help but reward her from time to time by bringing her in my bed. Usually before bed Emma and I lay in my bed and we read books. Emma loves this time with mom and is usually ready to sleep in her own bed by the time we're done reading. I still get my time to relax and read as well with my little bumpkin at my side. I love it when we're laying there reading and she gives me a loving sideways glance almost as if she's making sure I'm watching her.
Two nights ago, Emma wasn't going to bed so easily. I discovered, however, if I left her door open she was more willing to stay in bed and try to go to sleep. So, I left her door open and got in bed. I was nearly asleep (thinking she was also going to sleep) when all of a sudden I see her little pillow dancing around by my face as she's trying to climb up into my bed while holding onto it. It was so cute that I pulled her up and she snuggled with me quite nicely (with out sticking her feet in my ribs) Of course, it didn't last long. She eventually got bored and started moving around so I put her back in her bed and she fell asleep just fine. I don't mind doing that from time to time especially when Jason is gone.

25 Sep 10

It's been so long since I've written because I haven't had any one thing to really write about. Emma seems to be in a stand by stage where she's not really learning any really big new things. she's almost getting bored and will do anything to occupy her time. Such as, laughing hysterically as she chases Mowgli around the house with a sunning mat.
Emma is also at the age where she really enjoys helping out with the chores. She's not always extremely helpful but I am enjoying every minute of her time spent with me, help or not. There will come a day when she will not be so keen on helping out any more. I was thinking of this today and it reminded me of when my mom taught us to ask her if there was anything else she needed help with on cleaning days. She would task us and we would do that task and then start playing with our toys so she finally had to enforce that we ask her for more work whenever we were done with our first task. So, I will relish this time with Emma even if she doesn't actually offer very much help. At least she wants to be with me and she wants to learn.
But, Emma will be a great house keeper because she excels in everything she does. Already she can walk in my 3 inch heels with ease and daddy's flip flops with the toe strap between the right toes. Not a small feat if you consider she did it all on her own and is only 19 months old.

My Garage Saling Experience

I first thought it would be a good idea to have a garage sale at the beginning of the week. My husband, Jason, is not a fan of clutter in the garage so I knew that even though he would be going on a long deployment by the next week he would not be opposed to spending his last weekend cleaning out the garage and making some money while we're at it.
Wednesday night there was a lot of anticipation in our house hold as we went through each room with boxes and adding to the boxes items of junk that were once thought to be priceless treasures. We also cleaned out the storage unit. I had done that before on my own, but this time Jason was with me and he could speak for his own things.
On Thursday, both of us came home tired. Emma had kept us up early in the morning and siestas were out of the question. Errands were run, food was eaten, friends were chatted with, excuses were made to not get the garage set up for the big sale. Finally, when neither of us could think of any more reasons for procrastinating, Jason moved the car and we began pricing and setting up tables. Jason gladly did his part in the preparations by driving our nice 2010 camaro out on the town to get us some food which we proceeded to eat when he got back. After eating the food, I trudged on only to find Jason rolling up in a sleeping bag (which we were not going to sell) I could tell he was going to be very helpful, but I couldn't complain that he had gone and got our dinner.
Thursday night I went to bed anxious. I knew I would wake up naturally around 7:30, but I also knew that we had forgotten to get change, it was too late to get it now, and I wouldn't have a car to drive in the morning to go and get it.
Friday morning, Emma woke up again at 0530 and wanted to get in bed with me. While the motherly part of me wanted to just snuggle in with her, the reasonable part of me knew that my little squirm worm couldn't "snuggle in" to save her life. So, I put her back in her own bed where she cried her self back to sleep. The realization hit me at this point that if I was going to get an early start on the garage sale I was going to have to set my alarm. I was too tired from interrupting my sleep to trust my self to be up by 7.
8 o clock rolled around and I was not only on my feet, but the sale items were out on the front lawn and I was set up with Emm'a breakfast, a chair, and a magazine. Two hours went by with only two customers, no profit, and lots of texting to my mom who was keeping me company.
Disappointment was trying to set it, but I wouldn't take defeat. I let the cats out, off leash, and watched Emma chase them. I read and she re-arranged the sale items. Sure enough, more and more cars came by and I started making some money. As the day continued I found myself in a state of peace, enjoyment, and relaxation. Emma took a nap at noon which gave me the afternoon in silence and not having to be a watchful eye. Even the cats were staying near the house and napping in the near by flower bushes. I found myself reminiscing my child hood garage sale experiences and brain storming on just about anything and everything with my alone time.
Jason and I start the sale up again tomorrow. I have high hopes for a pleasant time spent with the family earning enough money for a nice date night before he leaves. I've closed up shop for now although I am still jumping at the sound of cars driving by hoping that if I run outside in enough time I could grab their attention and they could still look in the garage and see what I have left.

"My parents are so weird"

I don't think I ever said my parents were weird growing up unless it was in fun. My Dad is a genius so, though he may have his silly moments, he does them with a stroke of genius which makes him just look cool. My mom definitely had her odd moments as well, but we were older and I think she fed off of my brother's oddities more than anything. Over all my family had fun and I was never embarrassed of my parents. I can honestly say that. I don't remember talking bad about my parents not one time. That being said, it is a common stereo type for kids to think their parents are weird.
Now, I have been known to be very odd. I can remember my mom, jovially, grabbing my head and yelling "Tiff! You are so weird!" But it was honest fun for me. My church friends were used to me and were just as weird as I was, but my Navy friends had never met some one like me. They enjoyed hanging out with me and my husband (prior Navy friend) always told me that it was my oddities that made him fall for me. (I guess he's the weird one.) And after living with Jason, I tend to wonder if he's weirder than I.
Well, I said all that to say that this morning Emma and I were playing around on the bed being goofy. She's only 17 months old so you would think it's safe to be weird around her. Well, she started asking for cheese which is her way of saying she's hungry so I picked her up and I started singing this song about cheese to her in a really weird manner. And she just stared at me like, "Wow, she is so weird." Her eyes were big and her eye brows raised and everything. I just started laughing hysterically realizing that my daughter isn't even talking properly yet and she is already realizing that her mother is weird.

Improvising

I was never really a believer in baby crates or baby proofing your house. I always thought you should be able to train your kids not to get into what you don't want them to get into. Recently, however, when Emma colored on my dining room chairs with a pen behind my back I decided that I will make an exception for the sake of my nice chairs and also for the fact that while I do my best to teach Emma to not draw on the chair, she has a nature of her own and there's always the possibility that she will. But what would I do to protect the chairs? That's when I remembered my new best friend, Cling Wrap. That stuff is really great. It's not your typical "as seen on tv" stuff. It really does cling to ANYTHING. So, now when the color crayons are out, I cling wrap my chair. This way I can still yell at her for coloring on the chair, but at least if she does color on it, it is protected.

28 Jul 2010

There is nothing cuter than a little toddler walking around with her blankie. Maybe I'm biased because I always had a security blanket and there are those who will tell you I still have my baby blanket which I will neither confirm or deny. I just wish Emma wasn't so cute when I'm trying to discipline her.
I've had a real battle with Emma throwing fits especially when I'm trying to lay her down for a nap. I have had to resort to giving her two naps a day as well. She doesn't have to sleep, but she does need to lay quietly in her bed for at least an hour so I can have some down time after work and take a break from her fits.
Today I wanted to take some different approaches. There is a tub of toys in Emma's room that she hasn't played with in months. After two days of fits and getting no where with her, I mixed things up by pulling out the old toys. She absolutely loved them like they were brand new. I doubt she's cured from throwing fits but it is a break in her norm which gives me a chance to re-group.
P.S. I was amazed at how well Emma caught onto some of the toys. You know that red and blue ball toy that has the shape cut outs and the shapes that you put in it? Well, she ended up being very good at that. Also, she has started playing like she's talking on the phone with any of her toys regardless if it looks remotely close to a phone.

My Must Have

Something I will always have somewhere in my house is a notebook for lists. I make a list of everything which is a trait I learned from my mother. I have gone far and beyond a simple grocery list. I have my groceries, my errands and it doesn't stop there. I have lists of Things I need to look into before getting out of the Navy, Things I want to say in my blog, meals I can eat on my diet, meals Emma likes to eat in general, items I like and want in my future dream house, things to get done by the time Jason gets back from deployment, things to do that will keep me sane while Jason is on deployment, birthday ideas, honey do list for when Jason gets back (mostly Josh takes care of all that as time goes by), things to get at walmart, things to get my sister, movies I've watched while Jason is on deployment, school ideas for Emma....that's just my new notebook. I don't have time to get my filled notebook out (which I kept, of course, because I never throw anything out. Besides you never know when I might need to venture back to an old list.)
Mom, you held the title for all these years and wore the crown, but if I'm afraid to announce that I might be the new "List Queen." You know what I just did? I just listed all my lists. The ultimate list! Bam! and Boom-shocka-locka!

Lesson Learned for both of us

I taught my daughter something today, that for some reason, I originally thought was going to be quite the task to do. But Emma is so smart. She catches on so quickly. So far Emma has been able to claim just about anything in the house. I don't really mind if she plays with whatever she wants. We have a few things we don't let her have like the remotes or other electronics, but other than that she has full reign of the house. Blankets and stuffed animals have especially always been something that she has been allowed to have. So, when Jason sent me a build-a-bear for my birthday (it came in the mail today) Emma immediately thought it was hers. I let her hold it for a while, but I was cautious because I really want this bear to be special for me. I plan to cuddle it at night or anytime I'm missing Jason and I really don't want baby drool and other messes all over it. So, I finally decided that I wasn't going to let Emma play with it and I braced myself to spend the rest of the evening teaching her this very thing.
But, it wasn't hard at all. When she reached for it, I told her this was my bear that daddy gave me and here is your owl that daddy gave you. Course the owl never seemed as great because it's not new, but Emma learned quickly and with in a few minutes she new that the bear was mine. I'm sure I'll catch it in her hands from time to time, but the whole situation made me think that Emma would probably learn very quickly in anything I try and teach her. Sometimes I put off training her in something because I think it's going to take me a week and half to instill the new concept to her.
Raising a child of your own sure does tell you a lot about yourself. I never realized how controlling I was until Emma started showing her own signs of being controlling, like not letting Jason open the refrigerator door. I realized she must have learned that from me. I started noticing that even I will keep Jason from going in to the kitchen if I think he'll make too big a mess, ect. I will rather just do it myself. I can not reiterate to myself enough how important it is that I put myself in check each morning and through out the day so that Emma is learning good habits from me.

Day 1

I dropped Jason off at his ship this morning. The weird part is, he doesn't actually leave the pier until tomorrow, but he's on duty so I won't see him anyway. We had a very nice date night last night which brought us home later than planned and he still had packing to do. I had a pit in my stomach and the feeling like I was losing my best friend all morning and even now.
Jason and I pulled the mattress from our bed out into the living room the last couple days so we could relax and watch movies and we didn't feel like putting it back last night so now for another month or so I'll be sleeping in the living room. I can't move the mattress myself and I could ask the neighbor to come do it, but I'm actually going to give it a try sleeping in the living room. I don't really like going off in the dark to sleep by myself when Jason's gone and sleeping in the living room with the noise from the chinchilla and the cats will probably help me feel less alone anyway. I'll have my sister, Elizabeth, help me move it when she comes in August if not before then.
Now that Jason is gone, I have to do all those things that I usually just call his name for. For example, as soon as I came home, I started fiddling with the blankets in the living room and out runs a spider. It was small, but really ugly and had this weird hunch back thing going on. I vacuumed him up with my hand held vacuum and then dumped him in trash and then stomped on the trash to make sure he didn't crawl out. When it was all said and done I realized I was shaking like a leaf. Silly, I know. But I really hate spiders.
Every bone, muscle, and emotion in my body wants to just cuddle up in bed, eat chocolate, and sleep. But, Emma presses me onward. And the more onward I go the more I find clutter and dirt around the house that needs picked up. I relish in the time she is napping. I've never known such an energetic child. She hasn't realized that Jason is gone for a long time yet, obviously, but it won't be long before she starts asking me about him. I plan to show her lots of pictures and the only home video I could get out of my broken video camera. I really don't want him to be a stranger to her when he gets back.
I'm not overly sad or depressed. I'm enjoying spending some time with Emma, NOT having to pick up the house by the end of every day, spending less money, and getting back on the diet. But, the moments go by slowly and there isn't a one of them that goes by that I don't remember how much I miss him already. He's only been gone a few hours, but it's the very thought of not seeing him again for a while that dampens my spirits.
Anyway, today and tomorrow I still have off of work so I plan to just really relax, do the budget, get the groceries, and catch up on some tv shows with Christin.

Mommy does it to me so....

Thursday morning after we were done eating breakfast around the table Emma wanted to get up on my lap where she continued to grab my napkin and started wiping my lips for me. It was so cute and such a special moment for me. She was so concentrated and wiped around my mouth and then wiped my cheeks, looking like a little mom already with her pursed lips and look of overall concern for my cleanliness. When she was done I told her thank you and she leaned her head against mine where I kissed her ear. She must have liked that cuz she then sat back, wiped my face some more and then put her ear to my lips.

Toys for Maryland

When packing for MD I wanted to make sure I brought all the toys that would entertain Emma the longest. One lazy, hot afternoon when we were playing inside with the air conditioning I realized how random her toys (or interests if you will) really are. The toys she brought were a small green boat to play with in the pool, a small blue shovel, a play microphone, a small treasure box, her favorite book, her drool proof photo album, and two blue stuffed cat animals.
Each of these toys, on any given afternoon, she plays with for about five minutes (not different behavior than we are at home, though) and that adds up to about 40 minutes. When she's done playing with all that it's an active time for mom and dad keeping her entertained with other things she can play with and keeping her out of things she can't play with.
Grandma Karen helped a little by bringing a fun Doctor Seuss book for her when she came to visit.

Babysitter

I have acquired a new babysitter who is trying to earn money to move back home. So, she's available all the time which is great! But, she seems a little disturbed. She doesn't hardly say a word. She doesn't say anything to the small talk I try to make and she doesn't even nod her head or say "ok" when I tell her something about Emma. It's very strange. But she seems to do a good job with Emma. Last night, when I took her home, she did start a conversation by telling me that Emma had pulled the kitchen trash can out in to the living room. Literally, the whole trash can. LOL Can you just see my little Emma, no bigger than the trash can it's self pulling it out into the living room. What was the reason? I guess we'll never know.
What do you call the person who hires the babysitter? the Babysitter Hirerer? Anyway, I feel like I am a REAL babysitter hirerer now. Megan, though she's 18, can't drive so I have to pick her up and take her home. On the way home from a late night date I do kind of dread it, but once we are in the car heading back to her place I can't help but feel a rush of nostalgia. I remember when I was just a young teen, before a driver's license, and my babysitter hirerers had to come pick me up and take me home. It wasn't anything special per say, but I feel all grown up doing it myself now. I tell you, babysitters of today are certainly different. I remember babysitting for $2/hr. First time Megan sat for me I gave her what I thought was fair. But last night, Christin was going to bring Bella over as well so I let Megan know and she said, "Ok, but it will cost extra." I was so astonished. She charged us $7/hr for the two kids. Needless to say it cost us more to pay the babysitter than it did to go out and hang with friends. But, can you really put a price on a good night out? Jason was so sweet all night and we enjoyed our movie and friends so I guess it was worth it.

29 June 2010

I'm curious to know what Emma's nightly rituals will be as she gets older. She does the cutest things now. Sometimes if she's wearing a shirt that is too lose or if the tag bothers her she just takes it right off. Then she gets all her blankets and starts fluffing them and rearranging them just so around her body. When they are just right she lays down on them face first in the fetal position. I imagine she'll grow out of all that. Usually when I wake her up she's still on her tummy but her legs are stretched out and the blankets have been pushed aside.

Saturday Morning

I don't care a whole lot for food in general and even more so I don't care to prepare it. This morning I asked myself why. I came to a theory that it's the recipes. I don't want to have to find, read, understand, and make a recipe. That, and I've been a working mom since Emma was born. At the end of a working day I simply don't have the energy. But, from time to time (usually on a weekend) I have a morning full of energy. So, I literally cook up an entire day (sometimes more) meals. And you know, I actually enjoy the cooking when I'm energetic. And for the recipe part of it I simply don't follow one. Sure, I waste some food if it doesn't turn out. But, I also learn from my mistakes. I add whatever ingredients sound good and mix together some food that's been sitting and needs used up. I put it in casserole or stew format and away we eat. Jason has liked all of my concoctions though I must admit they shouldn't be used on any diet plans. This morning I remembered I've been wanting to make up some broccoli for Emma as she seems to like it when we go to a restaurant. And as all my recipes go, the first ingredient is cheese. Broccoli (boiled), velveeta cheese (melted) and 1/4 tsp of onion powder. I'm going to give it a taste now...hmm, I took two bites...surprisingly tasty! I love it actually. It gives broccoli a whole new meaning. Would one of my readers mind trying it and letting me know what you think? I'll give some to Emma with her lunch. Next, I need to whip up some pizza sauce. Because something that IS on my diet plan is English Muffin Pizza and I've been curious to give it a try. Better call Kim for one of those dreaded recipes. My mom passed around a great pizza sauce (which might have generated from Grandma actually). But don't worry, I'll still add my own touch.
P.S. I have to give my husband the credit for making me the least bit interested in concoctions. He is always doing new things with the meat on the grill. It was his example that got me started. And, the broccoli after taste makes me want more and more :) I also have no idea how to spell recipe so hopefully the spell check got it right.

For the love of shoes

I have every intention of living all my heel wearing dreams through Emma. I can't wear any shoes higher than 2 inches with out being taller than Jason. So, I have promptly given Emma all the shoe loving instructions that she needs. And, boy does she love her shoes. She wants them on her feet all the time. New shoes light up her face and she wants to put her new shoes on right away even if she's already wearing a pair. She looks at her feet while she walks (to the point of running into walls) so that she can watch her shoes. She tries to wear Daddy's and mine shoes all the time. If I'm not wearing shoes she brings me a pair (sometimes two shoes from two different pairs) so that I can put on a pair. And she gets upset if either of us are not wearing shoes. I'm relatively certain she can say shoe and says it when she wants to go outside. Heaven forbid if you try to take her shoes off before it's bed time. I can't wait until I can start buying her all the pretty heels! And the best part of it all....I have Jason's blessing on the matter :)

On another note: I was just telling Jason that I didn't really miss Emma's younger stages. As Emma grows I embrace it happily and don't really ever look back. But, one thing I realized I do miss is when she used to hum herself to sleep. When ever she was tired she would start humming in mono-tone until she was asleep. It was really cute and actually kind of soothing. Now she just whines when she's tired. Do we, as adults teach them to whine in our daily behavior? Hmm, something for me to ponder over. I must be so careful that Emma learns only good character traits from me even if it means acting from time to time in a way I wouldn't normally act. But, that should be a good thing for me. Fortunately, after having this very thought of missing her humming, though, she started doing it again. Probably because Daddy's been getting on her about not whining.

What happens at the Babysitters, stays at the Babysitters

Much to my surprise, I was greeted at Christin's door by my pantless, diaper wearing toddler. Upon asking Christin why my daughter was half nude she proceeded to inform me that Emma doesn't seem to want to wear pants. Apparently once a new clean diaper was on, Emma grabbed her pants and took off running! Christin, being a mom herself, figured if the girl doesn't want to wear pants and is willing to confiscate them in a "grab-n-run" than she might as well let her. I guess Grandpa Anderson's shirt that he sent for Emma: "I'd rather be naked" is rightfully true.

15May10 1926

Let's take yogurt for example. In my refrigerator, I try to be organized and with something like yogurt, I line it up one after the other in a row (or column if you will). But, I always take from the back of the column because if I were to take from the front first it would irritate me later on to have to reach for a yogurt in the way back of the fridge. Well, yesterday, it hit me that I'm still reaching way in the back for yogurt. lol. I don't know why I thought I was making it easier. I guess each day gets easier verses harder if I start from the back....and now Emma has found, dumped out, and eating the marshmellows so I better get to it.

14May10 2228

I tried to be so organized before I left with Mom for our trip to Idaho. I wanted to come home to a clean house. But, we left in such a hurry Saturday morning that I didn't even realize the disorganization that awaited me when I got home. (Of course, my hopes of my bedroom cleaning itself while I was gone were crashed). But worse than a dirty kitchen, I realized I only had one diaper left for Emma which she quickly became in need of. So, on the way to Seattle to drop mom off at the airport and then all the way back home; Emma had plenty of time to completely over fill her diaper and pants. With no diapers to even change her into on the drive back, I feel it's needless to say Emma was a little fussy the last hour of the trip. Luckily back at home, I did have some pull-ups from when I had been working on potty training. They actually ended up working out quite nicely. Emma was able to wear one until I could get to walmart.

We had a great time in Idaho. I had been 6 years over due for a visit. But, even with the set backs at home, I have really been enjoying my time back with Emma. She can be a pill but she is over all pleasant to be around. She didn't seem tired tonight so I let her stay up until almost 10. She's so goofy and happy all the time. I could laugh and play with her all day. I am sad to see my daily work schedule around the corner.

10 May 10 0928

Today I woke up and opened my new box of Raisin Bran Cereal. Normally this is not a difficult task anyway, but this morning it was especially easy as it had recently been sat on. It seems like Emma will go to great extremes to get to food. Yesterday when mom and I were grocery shopping she sat in the back of the cart with some yogurt and next thing we knew she had toothed it open, was trying to get to it, couldn't get to it, and in her frustration threw it out of the cart where it splashed all over the floor.
It's not seldom I feel like Emma only wants to sit on my lap when I have food. She is very familiar with boxes such as Woppers, Junior Mints, popcorn and her absolute favorite, string cheese. She would go to great lengths to retrieve the contents from the inside. The cutest thing ever is when she sees you are getting her some food. She just happily stomps her feet, makes these quick laughs, and baby talks as she's so excited to receive the food about to come.

Mom and I are in Idaho visiting Kim and family. Emma is enjoying playing with her cousins. It hits me hard because I see how much Emma would enjoy siblings. It makes me wish I was still pregnant and/or could get pregnant again soon. But God has his reasons and I don't see myself being able to try again until after Jason get back from deployment in March of 2011. So poor Emma will just have to keep waiting and we'll have to take several trips to see the cousins.

07 May 10 0924

On Wednesday, 28 April, I learned some very disturbing news that the baby I had carried for 12 weeks died at 8 weeks . I was alone as Jason was underway with his ship. The news hit me hard. I had only recently spoke of feeling great and I had no concerns for my pregnancy what so ever. Everything ran through my head all at once, "Was it those suit cases I lifted in San Diego, did Mowgli (one of my cats) jump on my stomach one too many times? Maybe the baby isn't really dead. I wish Jason was here! How will I get a hold of him? Who will comfort me? How can I go back to my command in this condition?" As I was thinking all of this, a few tears fell and my doctor re-assured me that it was nothing Jason, Emma, the cats, or I did to cause the baby to die. But non-the-less, as a believer in "everything happens for a reason" I couldn't help but question God, though still faithful to his promises.
Back home, picking up my daughter from the neighbors, I had this wave of appreciation for my daughter, Emma. She ran to me as she always does (regardless of whether I'm gone for 10 min or 8 hours) happy to see me not knowing that I was or why I was sad. I said to her, "At least I still have you." And in that moment I cried like a baby, having only my innocent 1 year old daughter to physically comfort me in my time of great need. And somehow, to my surprise, my squiggly, wiggly worm transformed into a calm, innocence of understanding, angel of comfort. She laid her head on my shoulder and I hugged her and cuddled her. She some how new that I needed her.
In the days to follow, even after Jason was finally able to come home, Emma continued to realize my emotional pain. She seemed to recognize every time I was crying and came to me babbling her baby talk and looking at Daddy trying to figure out why I was laying on the floor crying.
I guess babies just know sometimes. Emma is so smart and doesn't miss a thing. But, her innocent comfort was worth a million comforting words from someone who knew it all.

For M.C. (Mystery Child)
You were my heart beat, you were my every breath.
You were my every feeling, you were my thoughts revealing.
I barely even new you, but I already started to love you.
My heart is broken, because you're gone.

You were my fears, my random laughs, and all my many tears.
You were a new adventure, a very short lived past, and you were my future.
I was ready to see you, I was ready to hold and know you.
My heart is broken because you're gone.

I don't know why you were not strong.
I felt so helpless like I did you wrong.
I tried to care for you, though you were not ready.
My heart is broken because you're gone

I know you're up in Heaven and I know it is your haven.
God must have wanted you early, I know he loves you dearly.
So in Him I trust and I know I can adjust.
It's just my heart is broken because you're gone.

25 APR 2010 0735

Number One rule for any baking or cooking - "You must start with a clean kitchen." This being said I can finally start making my frosting an hour after I started cleaning up. No, the kitchen wasn't that dirty but I started this project before Hubby and Daughter were awake so I had the quiet to think about things. All that thinking made me think I could take a break and post some facebook comments. Getting back to work I see in the dishwasher that my bathroom toothbrush holder is clean but on my way through the living room to put that away I pick up clutter and feed the cats. Isn't that always how it is? So, while the rule simply states "a clean kitchen" I can happily say I'm starting with a clean house and updated facebook.

My Daughter Emma

Emma Eliza Lee, my daughter, was born March 5th 2009. She is my first baby and I love her so much. I have really enjoyed watching her grow. She is now a year old and the stories I could tell.... I love being her mother and I'm learning so much! She's a handful, but I wouldn't trade a single moment I have with her.

I recently had an urge to keep track of my thoughts as I go. I have so many aimless thoughts, random babblings, and questions as I go through out my day with my daughter. She really is so smart and amazes me hourly. I hope you can enjoy my journey of motherhood not just in general, but motherhood with this amazing little girl!