Blessings from tribulation

An amazing God we serve, who always knows best for us. I was marveling this morning at how God isn't answering our prayers for Jason's salvation when Jason would make such a neat man of God if only he would get saved. His worldly friends and life style are making him happy and while I know, as a Christian, it's only going to make him happy for a "season" I can't help but wonder why his season hasn't come to an end, yet. We all seem so ready for him to get saved. It seems like a good time. (It's always a good time to get saved.)

This morning I prayed and asked God to help me with my emotions though out the day. I've been struggling with the bi-polar feelings of love and hate for Jason. No sooner did I have those thoughts of frustration for Jason's salvation it was like God started to speak to me and show me how He's taking care of things.

I'd probably be divorced right now with or with out having had kids. Because our children were no more a part of making our marriage fail as they are a part of keeping us together. And, yet, with out Emma here to be my constant joy and in her own way, supporting me, I don't know how well I would have dealt with this divorce. Having her here has kept me stronger for her sake. Having Jacey on the way has kept me having a loving spirit as I look forward to her arrival. I realized that God had a plan for us all along. I often wondered why God allowed us to have children knowing that our marriage would fail; but now I see I needed them in this time. With out them I very well could have slumped into depression or worse yet gone back to my old ways out of desperation for companionship. Being a mother of two young kids has really helped me keep myself in order.

If I had stayed in the Navy like I wanted to, I wouldn't be here in Tucson with a great supportive church; and I wouldn't be on my way to starting school and getting a degree in a field that is going to really help me and my family the rest of our lives. Though I was bitter about leaving the Navy for several months, I can see, looking back, how it was meant to be to get me to where I am now.

God has shown me in other small ways that He looks out for His own. Yesterday, He proved how much He loves all his creatures, as I saw how he took care of a situation with a dog being able to stay with his family. It's the little things in life that God does that really makes me see how amazing He really is and how He really does have everything under control. Even watching out for the sparrows and the lilies.

I and my family pray fervently for Jason to get saved. But, if he got saved, if he wanted to come back to his family; is this even a good time? I know God has a the master and great plan. Honestly, I'm loving being in Arizona. I'm growing in the Lord, loving church and the things of God, and I'm excited about starting a job and running my own life again. I have to remember to be thankful for these things and know that God will soften Jason's heart at just the right time. After all, if I never prayed for Jason again, God is still going to do the work that needs to be done. He knows the desires of our hearts.

So, today I go on happily just knowing that I don't have to do anything. God is taking care of everything and that's a big relief.