Today, I could use some encouragement. I have a good life. I shouldn't even begin complaining. I have a husband who loves me and caters to all my needs no matter how small or great. I have the cutest, happiest, smartest little daughter anyone could ask for. She gives me a run for my money, but what fun would I have if she didn't? I have all the pets that I could ask for and have asked for. This alone should make me happy every day because if you know me at all, you know that sometimes I prefer animals even over people.
But, none the less, from time to time, I wake up feeling like not only my stresses, but the stresses of the family, and even the stresses of the WORLD! are upon me. (If I may succumb to exaggeration)
I have to admit that even with the rare knowledge and faith that I have to know that there is a Higher Being who would gladly take all these stresses from me, I find I do not turn to Him. I often feel like since I haven't turned to him in thanks and glad tidings of the good things in my life, I shouldn't go to Him with my worries. That is not fair to Him. No one wants a friend like that, though, we all want a friend like Jesus.
"What specifically is wrong?" you might ask. I have a problem...because I DO have my faults. (family humor) It's the kind of problem I keep to myself for fear that if I were to tell anyone, family and friends would be lost. Because rare is the friend or family member alike who won't simply judge one for their faults, rather than help them.
This problem weighs on me so deep. Which also makes me wonder...can a matter of weight actually be referred to as deep? But I digress. This matter weighs on me so much that it makes me wake up from the sleep I never had, grumpy from the sleep I never had, and short of patience from the grumpiness from the sleep I never had whilst awake. In short and aside from a play on words, I fear my family and friends get the worst of all this.
So, I guess this blog posting is mostly for those that I've been short with in the last few months. If I forgot to call you on a special day, if I spoke hastily with out thought of your feelings, if I acted strangely, if I acted selfishly, if I yelled the first time of an offense from lack of patience, if I went to bed with out loving you first, if I slammed you because I'm angry at myself, or if I out and out am not pleasant to be around, I beg you your forgiveness. Please be patient with me while I figure myself out. It might be a long time before I come through because I'm not used to doing things on my own. I ask my dad or my husband "what should I do?" And then I do what they suggest because I know that they are wiser than I.
I've tried to get help from numerous sources. But the doors are all closed. And when one door was open, there was no answer on the inside. But, I know the prayer door is always open and as soon as I can drop my pride and actually ask for help from the one and only Person who can help me, I might be grumpy a lot. And I'll be short of patience and quick to speak mean things because my heart is bitter. So, I beg you all to bare with me. I don't want to hurt anyone. If I could go away and deal with this on my own I would do it in an instant. But that's not how God wants me to deal with this test, so please, don't write me off until my trial is complete.
No comments:
Post a Comment